


Time Out

by Arkengarth



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
Genre: Fanfiction, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gerudo Desert - Freeform, Holiday, Humor, Kingdom of Hyrule, Legend of Zelda References, Let's not kill each other, Light-Hearted, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Ocarina of Time, Relax - Freeform, Vacation, Video & Computer Games, down time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27151168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arkengarth/pseuds/Arkengarth
Summary: Life can be tough sometimes. Link has decided it is not easy being a Hero, particularly when someone Ganondorf threatens to destroy Hyrule. Ganondorf, on the other hand, feels it is not exactly easy being a King of Evil when there exists Link, whose sole aim in life is to ruin his plans. Zelda, meanwhile, reckons that, as the hostage, she is the worst off.Here is the light-hearted account of what happened when, instead of fighting it out between themselves, together they decide to take action. They need a holiday. Only after resorting to an all out strike will Rauru listen to them, allowing them to kick back, relax and enjoy what the Med has to offer.
Relationships: Link/Zelda (Legend of Zelda)
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a slight re-write of one that I wrote years ago, back in 2002 I think. I know it's old, but with so many holidays being cancelled this year, a bit of humour doesn't go amiss, it just took me back. And revisiting it reminded me that writing for pleasure can actually be quite fun. Added to which, Ocarina of Time is, to my mind, still the best of the Zelda series. Take it or leave it, it's up to you. Enjoy.
> 
> Oh, and I am aware that I am writing this fanfic without the permission of Nintendo, and do not claim anything from the Legend of Zelda series, be it names, characters (Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, Rauru) or places to be my own

It was late. Or rather it may have been. It was a little difficult to tell, given that it was consistently dark outside. Link marched up the stairs toward the top of Ganon's Tower, grumbling quietly to himself. Something about why at the top? Seriously, why _all_ these stairs? They were killing his knees already. But then Link paused, having possibly just answered his own question. Maybe that was why. Wear him down first, then Ganondorf would have an easy win. He grumbled again. That just not necessary.

Having finally reached the summit, Link glanced round as the iron door slammed shut behind him. He’d have slammed it harder if he could. Heaving for breath, he realised that waiting a minute or two before entering the room may have been wise. But it was too late now.  
  
He looked around purposefully in a bid to analyse his surroundings. The place wasn’t quite as anticipated. Link wasn’t exactly sure what he had expected, but a room surrounded with stained glass and bright light wasn’t quite it. Especially as it was dark outside. Although, there was a distinct possibility that they were actually _above_ the clouds at this point. That would make sense. A bit like the buttresses and gargoyles and fancy statues in the corners made sense. They were definitely King of Evil material. As was the majestic pipe organ that towered to the ceiling opposite, and the seriously sinister music that boomed from the pipes and bellows.  
  
It was only now that Link noticed Ganondorf, who, to his surprise, was stood playing the pipe organ. Link pondered a moment. He hadn’t taken the King of Evil to be a musician. And much as he hated to admit it, he was actually quite good. It certainly put his ocarina playing to shame.

Ganondorf, on the other hand, took no notice of Link and instead continued to play with gusto. Above him, Zelda was imprisoned in a pink crystal prism. She looked worried, but relaxed a little when Link entered the room. Still Ganondorf ignored them both. Link, a little put out at being flatly ignored, cleared his throat…

Link: Ahem…

Ganondorf: *Stopped playing the organ, but did not turn round* Not now kid, I'm in a bad mood. A very bad mood. So do yourself a favour and just go. Away. *Continued playing the organ.*

Link: Eh? What? But…

Ganondorf: *Pulled out a few more stops* Whatever it is, the answers NO. Not right now. I am tired, I am fed up and I need a holiday. So I am _not_ dealing with your crap right now. I am warning you. Just go. Away.

Link: *Stepped forward* _My_ crap? Hang on, just because you're in a bad mood, doesn't mean to say that I'm just going to-

Ganondorf: *Thumped his fists on the organ keys* ****GET OUT!!****

A thick wall of sound erupted from the pipe organ. The glass in the windows shook and parts of the ceiling crumbled.

Link: ...I’ll stop by another time.

He backed away, giving Zelda a quick wave before heading through the door. A tactical retreat, as he called it. For now at least. He headed back toward the stairs, grumbling quietly under his breath. _All the way up here for that?_

Navi: HEY!

Link: What?

Navi: Are we not rescuing Zelda?

Link: Are you _insane?_ Were you not even there just now? You honestly think facing _that_ is a good idea right now?

Navi: err… I thought the Triforce of Courage meant you don’t get scared.

Link: *Stopped* Who says I’m scared? This is not fear, this is common sense. I may have the Triforce but I also have my limits. Give it a day or two it’ll be fine. Dunno what’s put him in such a fine mood but given that he has the Triforce of _Power_ and he is the King of _Evil_ I don’t plan on finding out.

Navi: Yeah, fair enough. I mean if he thinks he's got it tough he should try doing _your_ job.

Link laughed quietly. She had a point. A useful one, for a change. Ganondorf had _no_ idea. Everything that Link had gone through probably made whatever his 'so called issues' seem like child’s-play. Link recalled some of his more hairy moments, such as fighting Barrinade, having already being eaten by a Fish God. There was nothing pleasant about that. Or fighting Dark Link. Or dealing with Ruto. And that was not to mention the likes of those Iron Knuckles, Volvagia and Twinrova - let alone those _really_ angry chickens. His smile soon faded and turned into a frown.

Link: Wait here.

Navi: What?

Link: *Already halfway up the stairs* Trust me just wait… seriously.

Navi: Link? HEY… Don’t leave me here. HEY. _HEY!!_ …. aaaand he left me.

Link headed back to the summit of the tower. By the time he got there he could feel the ground vibrating under his feet. Once again the door slammed shut behind, but it was completely inaudible above the noise that was crashing from the pipe organ. Ganondorf was still playing, though it wasn’t his usual theme tune. It was much louder, more enraged and far more intense. (Think the ending to Boellman’s Toccata, or Davy Jones)

Link: Y'know, you’re right.

Ganondorf stopped playing the organ, spun round and gave Link a vicious glare.

Ganondorf: _Look_ , _I thought I told you to_ …what? Oh, yes I know I’m right.

Link: Yeah I get where you’re coming from. About needing a break. I mean, me too. It's not easy being a hero.

Zelda: _What!?_ Link what are you even _talking_ about? In case you've forgotten already, you slept for a whole _seven_ years. How hard can _that_ be? This is _not_ a conversation we should be having with the King of Evil. Or anyone for that matter, but especially not _him_.

Ganondorf glanced upward. He’d forgotten she was even there.  
  
  
  
Link: *Shrugged his shoulders* Well yeah, but have you not noticed all the stuff I’ve had to try and sort out since? Where have _you_ been?

Ganondorf: *Narrowed his eyes* Good point princess, where _have_ you been?

Zelda: I am not saying. But my point is, Link. You have spent seven years sleeping. I on the other hand, have spent the whole time avoiding _him_.  
  
  
She pointed at Ganondorf, who rolled his eyes dismissively.

Zelda: That's not easy. He can get practically anywhere. I had to disguise as a man for goodness sake!

  
Ganondorf: Try being a King of Evil with someone like _him_ around that keeps killing everything. So then I generate it all again. Then guess what? _He_ goes and _KILLS_ it all again!

  
Link: Well otherwise it'll kill me…

Ganondorf: That is no concern of mine. And for the record, Princess, I am willing to bet you have never done a days work in your _entire_ life.

Link: *Raised his fist* _I’ll give YOU concern!_

Link’s eyebrows furrowed angrily. Who the hell was Ganondorf to complain!? After all, everything was _his_ fault! What Link didn't think, of course, was that waving his fist would only serve to infuriate the Gerudo King further. Link soon realised this, however, when his torso met with Ganondorf's fist and he flew back and slammed into the wall.

Link: Unngh….

  
Zelda: Ganondorf that was awful of you! You’d better feel bad about it.

  
  
Ganondorf: Guilt is not an emotion that I feel.

  
  
Zelda looked across at Link, who was slumped on the floor, severely winded after being punched so hard in the ribs. She then glared at Ganondorf and folded her arms crossly.

Zelda: Well you should feel bad! Indeed you _will_ feel bad.

Ganondorf: No, actually I won’t.

Zelda: Well you’re just being obnoxious .

Ganondorf: Stop talking.

Zelda: Well you still should. Anyway, Link, are you okay?

Link: Yeah never better….

Zelda: Good. Now as I was saying. How can you be tired after sleeping seven years?

Link: *Hauled himself to his feet* … Because it's _hard_. Being the Hero. Running around, helping others, doing errands, fighting monsters, you name it, I done it. Gets pretty dangerous at times, and do I get paid decent? NO. Only what you manage to pick up usually. And you just have to keep going, and fight in order to stay alive, and often…you get HURT.

  
He scowled at Ganondorf, who shrugged his shoulders vaguely. He really couldn't care less.

  
Link: _And_ _another thing_ , you know what _really_ winds me up? I mean seriously totally massively _infuriating?_ I go around, doing all that, and saving the world, and do I get even a scrap of recognition or thanks for it? _NO._

  
  
Zelda: *Scowled at Ganondorf* Oh great, you’ve set him off now…

  
Link: I mean that in itself I can deal with. _BUT_ some people are _really_ rude, _regardless_ of the fact I've just _saved their whole damn world!_ Well I'm sorry but I've had enough. I draw the line. No more `Mr Save The World And Nobody Notices' today. No sir.

  
Zelda: Link mind your language. And that's preposterous, you can't just stop being the Hero Of Time just like that. That isn’t how it works.

Link: Oh believe me I can. In fact - watch me.

  
  
He sat down and crossed his arms.

  
Link: ****Hrmph.****

  
Zelda: What!? What are you doing!?

  
Link: Staging a sit-in.

  
Ganondorf: Not in here you’re not.

  
Link: Well fine, but either way, I'm on STRIKE!

  
Ganondorf: AS AM I!

  
Zelda: But you can’t – and Ganondorf you – oh whatever I guess I might as well jump on the band wagon. We're ALL on strike.

  
Suddenly the room was filed with a bright blue light. Warm air brushed past their faces and everything turned a bright white. A few seconds later it faded and the world emerged back into sight. All three of them were in the Chamber of Sages, standing on the central plinth. Rauru stood facing them.

*** *** *** Chamber of Sages *** *** ***

  
Rauru: Having watched you from the Chamber I feel perhaps I need to intervene...

Link: You do?

  
Rauru: Absolutely. But firstly, what on earth is going on? Link you ought to be fighting Ganondorf, not having an argument with Zelda. And Zelda, you should be encouraging Link rather than shouting at him. And Ganondorf - what - what are you even doing here?

  
Ganondorf: *Folded his arms and waved dismissively* Don’t look at me sunshine I don’t even know _how_ I got here.

  
Rauru: *A little worried* Err… okay. As - as I was saying… what -

  
Link: *Waved a fist in the air* STRIKE! STRIKE! STRIKE!

  
Rauru: What is the meaning of this?

  
Ganondorf: You heard the kid, old fat one. We're on strike. It means -

  
Rauru: _I know what strike means!_

 _  
_Ganondorf: Alright calm down. Just answering your question.

  
Rauru: This is ridiculous. Link, snap out of it. And Zelda, I would have expected better from you.

  
Link: I am _not_ snapping out of it. I am dead serious.

  
Zelda: Well I did think better, but then thought - if you can’t beat them, join them.

  
Rauru: But, but – _why?_

  
Zelda, Link and Ganondorf: WE'RE TIRED, FED UP AND NEED A HOLIDAY.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

* * *

Link, Zelda and Ganondorf had been in the Chamber of Sages for some time, explaining at some length the reasoning for their demands. It turned out Link felt very passionately about the subject, whilst Ganondorf did a lot of temple-rubbing and was surprisingly restrained, given he was a powerful wizard with some serious bug-bears. Zelda was also weighing in quite heavily at times. It all added up really.

* * *

Rauru: Well I suppose I can see your point, all of you. So what can I do about it, Link and Zelda? What can I do to appease these issues?

Ganondorf: Excuse me?

  
Rauru: Ganondorf, based on your track record I would go out of my way to make your life a misery, given the chance.

  
Ganondorf: Ah, I see...

  
Rauru: So Link and Zelda, what can I do for you?

  
Link: HOLIDAY, HOLIDAY, HOLID…

  
Ganondorf. Will you _shut up_ with that stupid voice already.

  
Zelda: A holiday would be nice.

  
Rauru: Where to?

Link: FAR AWAY, FAR AWAY, FA -

  
 *****WHADUMPH*** ** ****

  
Link: Urrgh again….  
  
  
Ganondorf: I did warn you.

  
Link: *Coughed* Sorry…

  
Zelda: Far away would be nice. Somewhere warm. And sunny. Maybe near the sea.

  
The Gerudo smiled an evil smile and slowly rubbed his hands together.

  
Ganondorf: Yes, send them far FAR away. Make my life so much easier without those two anywhere near to mess things up. All of Hyrule will be _mine_ once more! Mwahahahaha…MWAHAHAHA

  
Rauru: Err...on second thoughts, perhaps you would like to go too.

  
Ganondorf: Thought you’d never ask.

  
Rauru: Yes well. That wasn’t asking, that was blackmail.

  
Ganondorf: *Shrugged* Either way.

  
Rauru: But NO trying to kill each other. Otherwise you'll be back here quicker than _that_. And that goes for _ALL_ of you. Especially YOU.  
  
  
Link: Yep fine, done. Does that mean we go now?  
  
  
Zelda also nodded. Ganondorf merely curled his lip, shrugged his shoulders and shook his head dismissively.  
  
  
Rauru: Alright, but first, you'll all need to pack. You have one hour before you go. When you’re ready return to the Temple of Time and I will bring you here.

  
Zelda: Only an hour? I best get going if I'm going to be ready by then.

  
Ganondorf: *Mumbled* So what am I supposed to do for the other fifty five minutes?

  
Link: But…I always carry all my stuff with me. What am a supposed to do for the whole hour?

  
* * * * * * One hour later * * * * * *

Link, Ganondorf and Rauru were stood in the Chamber of Sages waiting for Zelda.

  
Link: How long does she have to take? I think we should go without her. Teach her not to be late.

  
Rauru: Now Link, this is her holiday too.

  
Link: But we're not going to get there any time soon at this rate…

  
Rauru: I'm sure she'll be here. Probably just making sure she looks beautiful before she arrives.

  
Ganondorf: Well in that case we're in for a long wait.

  
They waited. And waited. And just for a change, they waited some more. Link sat on the floor, using an arrow-head to draw patterns in the dust. Which was all very well, apart from there was no dust in the Chamber of Sages.  
  
Ganondorf had also sat down and was playing fives (an ancient game involving five small cubes, which are thrown in the air then caught on the back of the hand. At first one is to be caught, and then thrown back in the air. Whilst it is in the air, the player then has to pick up the other cubes from the floor one at a time and then catch the one thrown. The player keeps going, then after all cubes are collected, has to catch two on the back of its hand, and throw these two up and catch them both as well as scooping up the others. Then catch three, then four and then five. Surprisingly entertaining when you have nothing to do.) Only he had no cubes. Ordinarily he would have used stones instead. But there weren’t any stones here either, so he too was using his imagination. Which made him smile, because, in his head, he was actually quite good at it.

  
Eventually, after waiting over another hour, Zelda arrived, along with three servants, all heavily laden with luggage.

  
Zelda: Okay, I'm ready.

  
Link: And about time! You should have been here ages ago.

  
He didn't look pleased.

  
Zelda: Oh, sorry but, I didn't realise the time. I guess my clock had stopped, and then I thought it was a different time than what it was, so I didn't set off because I didn't think you'd be ready, as I thought I'd only taken half an hour. If that makes sense. Which it should because it isn’t difficult. And also - _don’t_ rush me.

  
Link said nothing, but folded his arms and gave her a long, drawn out stare.  
  
  
Ganondorf was still playing imaginary fives.

  
Link: You know I thought up a poem whilst you were packing. It goes something like this:

  
There was a young lady called Jane;  
Who liked putting me through pain;  
Not by biting of hitting;  
Or kicking or spitting;  
But by making be wait but in vain.

  
For hours and hours we would wait;  
Knowing full well she’d be late;  
With not a thing to do;  
It’s worse than a queue;  
Hoping the hours pass at a rate.

  
Now stop with that intent look;  
You know what I am no crook;  
So I said the wrong name;  
And I called you Jane;  
 _But nothing rhymes with Zelda!_

  
Rauru: Now Link, there is no need for that.

  
Ganondorf: I thought it was pretty good, actually.

  
Zelda: But anyway I'm hear now. *Folded her arms* And besides, I shouldn’t be rushed when packing. I may forget something and then I'd have to go all the way back to get it.

  
Link: No, you'd have to do without it.

  
Ganondorf: *Looked at all the cases Zelda had with her and scoffed quietly* Somebody doesn't travel light.

  
Zelda: Yes I know, but I'm sure you'll both help me carry my belongings…

  
Ganondorf: You keep telling yourself that.

  
Zelda: But I can't carry them all by myself.

  
Ganondorf: I am aware of that.

  
Rauru: Oh enough. Zelda, take what you can. Now if I am going to make this happen, Link and Ganondorf, both be gentlemen and take her cases.

  
A vortex then appeared in front of them. Through it they could see a different realm. The sun shone, unhindered by a single cloud, in a perfect blue sky. Before them lay a forest of trees and withered grass. They could feel the heat emanate through the vortex. It looked as though it had not rained for some time. (Or to Ganondorf, it looked as though it had rained fairly recently -say, three months ago.)

  
Link: Where's that?

  
Rauru: Somewhere far, far away.

  
Link: Right. That'll do me. Bye!

  
He was about to jump through when he remembered to grab some of Zelda's luggage. He snatched two cases and jumped into the vortex. He was then followed by Ganondorf, who made a point not to take any of Zelda's luggage. The two of them stepped out into the land.

  
Rauru: _GANONDORF GET BACK HERE AND HELP ZELDA!_

  
Ganondorf: And if I don't…?

  
Rauru: _You had better do if you don't want Ruto and myself joining you on your holidays!_

  
Ganondorf was back through the vortex so fast he almost left his shadow behind. He watched Zelda lift one case. Then sighed discontentedly, and picked up a case and threw it through the vortex.

  
At the other side, Link stood and waited, and was almost hit by the flying case just before it landed. He could hear voices from the vortex.

  
Ganondorf: *Still wasn't pleased* There. Happy now?

  
Rauru: Hey, back here Mr, more than one case or else. You know the consequences if you don't…

  
The Gerudo picked up another case and chucked it through, once again narrowly missing throwing it on Link

  
Ganondorf: There.

  
Rauru: And the rest.

  
Ganondorf: Link only took two.

  
Rauru: But Link took them first time and you didn't. And I did say I would make your life a misery.

  
The Gerudo was by now getting little, or rather, completely fed up, with Rauru.

  
Ganondorf: OK FINE! Have it your freggin way…

  
He walked over to Zelda, (who was in no apparent rush) and picked her up, along with the rest of her cases, then threw them all through the vortex at once.

  
Unfortunately for Link, he happened to be stood directly in their flight path, and ended up completely submerged in suitcases. Followed by Zelda, landed on-top of the pile. As the icing on the cake, so to speak.

  
Link: I'm not having much luck today…

  
Link pushed the suitcases to one side and Zelda helped him to his feet. Ganondorf stepped through the vortex and they all watched as it closed behind him.  
  
  
The holiday, it seemed, had begun.


	3. Chapter 3

**** **** **** *** *** DAY ONE *** *** *** *** *** ***

The three of them found themselves standing on a dust track, around half way up a steep mountain trail. It took a moment for their eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight.

Link: Well, that's that sorted. Where the hell are we?

  
Zelda shrugged. She had absolutely no idea. Both she and Link then looked up at Ganondorf. His focus was on the horizon. There was a moment of silence.

  
Zelda: *Leaned in toward Link and whispered’ _Do you trust him?_ _  
_

Link: _No._

  
Ganondorf: *Raised an eyebrow* I can hear you.

Link and Zelda instinctively shuddered. There was a faint chill to his words.  
  
  
Zelda: Well I -  


Ganondorf: Save it Princess. I’m on holiday.  
  
  
Zelda: Erm okay then…

  
She punched Link on the shoulder and gestured for him to say something. Instead Link rubbed his arm, shrugged vaguely and mimed something along the lines of _just go with it._ He was on holiday too, after all. _  
_ _  
_The three of them took a minute to gather their bearings. Everywhere looked so different to any place they had ever seen. Below them they could see a few small houses. Some of them were very old, others a little run-down and a few had collapsed altogether. A little further on from that, they could see the sea, and then another land very close by, veiled behind the heat haze. Above them was a mixture of steep rock and gravel, withered grassland, olive trees and the occasional pine. The sun beamed down, and the temperature was steadily rising.

  
Link: Hmm, well nice of Rauru, just leaving us in the middle of nowhere…

  
Link's pocket suddenly shook and began to glow. Surprised, he looked down and pulled out a pirate's charm stone.

  
Link: *Looking slightly bewildered* O…K, I didn't pack that. Have these even been invented yet?

  
Rauru: That is correct, I packed it for you so we can stay in touch.

  
Ganondorf: You _what!?_

  
Rauru: And yes, the King made it only days ago. I sense your not completely happy with where you are. What's missing?

  
Link: Well, you know, a house. To stay in.

  
Soon after he said this, a small house materialised in the trees near to where they stood. There were three rooms - two small bedrooms and a sitting room. Enough space for two people to stay in comfortably.

  
Ganondorf: He really doesn't like me.

  
Link: But you don't like him.

  
Ganondorf: This is true. But - hey look at this.

  
A centipede had crawled out along the path in front of him.  
  
  
*Now I don’t know if you’ve ever seen one of these beasts, but they are quite possibly one of the scariest creatures known to man. Because when I say centipede, I don’t mean one of those tiny little critters you find in your garden. Ohhh no. I mean one of those mutant beasts found in parts of the Mediterranean. Some type of scolopendra. Russet-orange in colour, about 20cm long, with a body about 2cm wide, and each of the 100 legs being about 5cm long. Add to this a sizeable pair of pincers, and what you find is something not unlike an elongated orange spider, only bigger and faster and scarier in every possible way.*

  
Ganondorf: *Picked up the centipede.* I wonder if anyone would notice if I put this down their back?

  
Link: Don't even think about it…

  
Ganondorf: *Completely ignored Link* I'd love to see their face. Rauru has been getting up my back lately. Well perhaps _this_ should go down _his_ back...  
  
  
He glared at the pirate's charm stone and smiled evilly

  
Link: You wouldn’t.

  
Ganondorf: Oh trust me I would.

  
The house then disappeared, and then a much bigger residence appeared in it's place.

  
Ganondorf: And the rest, old man…

  
The grass around the house turned soft and lush. Paving stones replaced the stony path leading to the front door. A large table appeared by on the patio overlooking the sea, and then a great sun umbrella made from dried out leaves. The ground then began to shake and a swimming pool appeared in a sheltered spot behind the house. It was a properly posh one, with a waterfall and everything. Surrounding the pool was white stone, then soft green grass and some trees for shade.

  
Link: Niiiice. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Rauru: Right well I’m off. *Disappeared*

  
Zelda: Bye Rauru. Thank you! And Ganondorf stop messing about with that…

  
Ganondorf turned to Zelda and showed her what he was holding, thus `allowing her to take a closer look'.

  
Zelda: AAAAARGH GET IT AWAY FROM ME! LINK! DO SOMETHING! MAKE HIM STOP MAKE HIM STOP MAKE HIM STOP AAAAAAAAARGH GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEE! AAAAAARGH!

  
Zelda bolted into the house, locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out. Link and Ganondorf both laughed, but stopped as soon as they could, to try and avoid upsetting Zelda. She was on holiday, after all. But the look her face was, as they say, priceless.

  
* * * Some time later * * *

  
Link hammered on the bathroom door again.

  
Link: Zelda, you can come out now he's put it down.

  
Zelda: _What!?_ That means it could be anywhere!

  
Link: If you see it again I'll get rid of it for you.

  
Zelda: Promise?

  
Link: I promise.

  
Zelda: What if he picks it up again?

  
Link: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. It almost bit him so…

  
Ganondorf: So I'll be more careful next time. Are you going to come out yet?

  
Zelda: Not if you're going to do that again.

  
Ganondorf: Didn't realise you were so squeamish about such things.

  
Link: She's arachnophobic.

  
Zelda: Oh _great_. Thanks for telling him. Now he knows what I'm scared of so he's just going to rub it in and scare me with them whenever he can now.

  
Ganondorf: What could possibly make you think that?

  
Zelda: *Scowled* Instinct.

  
Link: Oh stop being so paranoid and come out. It's just an insect after all. A little insect. 

  
Zelda: Little? _LITTLE!?_ That thing was _NOT_ little!

  
Ganondorf: And technically it’s arthropod.

  
Link: It's the _same_ thing. And either way she’s way over-reacting!

  
Zelda still refused to come out. Link tried and tried to convince her that it was safe, but would she listen? Well, yes, but not take any notice. She kept saying they were winding her up, or that it would have come back without them noticing, or something along those lines.

  
Ganondorf even _apologised_ to her, and promised not to do it again, and told her he was off to carry her bags in for her as an apology on condition she came out. Still, she didn't trust him - no surprises there then right - so Ganondorf carried them all outside again, and left them further away from where they were in the first place, simply to make a point. They were ready to give up.

  
Ganondorf: Fine let her stay in there. She'll have to come out eventually.

  
Link: Damn right she does. *He turned door and crossed his legs.* Some of us need to use the bathroom. NOW!

  
* * * Later that evening. * * *

  
All three of them had settled in nicely. Each had their own room. The room Link had chosen was a traditional style room. It was quite plain, with a wooden floor and a beam in the centre to support the ceiling. On this beam hung various household items such as old keys, plates, tools and a horseshoe. There was a window in one wall, with long fine curtains and a set of shutters for if the sun got too hot. There were simple wall hangings and tapestries to in place, plus a small painting. It had a very authentic feel to it.  
Zelda on the other hand, had chosen the room with the large wardrobe, for obvious reasons.  
This left Ganondorf with the room downstairs. It was spacious, and unusually, was carved into the rock, so was dark and cool. It almost felt like a cave. It had plenty of floor space and a large bed, and was full of character. He did like it. But the down side? A low ceiling.

  
They were all sat on the patio watching the sun go down.

  
Link: What’s that noise?

  
Ganondorf: Crickets.

  
Link: How do you know that?

  
Ganondorf: Because you get them in the desert. Around the periphery anyway. The middle of the desert is a bit hot for crickets. Or life in general.

  
Link: Do they stop at night?

  
Ganondorf: Nope.

  
Link: Then how are you meant to sleep?

  
Ganondorf: *Shrugged* Guess you just get used to them. 

  
Zelda: I wonder what's going on in Hyrule right now?

  
Link: I wonder.

  
Ganondorf: I don't know. And I don't care.

  
Zelda: You don't care about much do you.

  
Ganondorf: Well I do care about…no I don't actually now I come to think about it. Not much at all.

  
Zelda: Do you not care about the world? About people in it? Yourself? Your influence on others?

  
Ganondorf: Some of it. Some of them. Sometimes. And no.

  
Zelda: You don't care about your influence on others, even though it could be a bad influence, or in your case, would be a bad influence?

  
Ganondorf: No.

  
Zelda: Not even on children?

  
Ganondorf: No.

  
Zelda: Well that's not very nice.

  
Ganondorf: I don't care.

  
Zelda: Well he should, shouldn't he Link?

  
Link: Well maybe if he wasn't King of Evil. A King of Evil who's all loving and caring doesn’t exactly add up. And Ganondorf, what are you doing?

  
Ganondorf: Five's.

  
Link: Oh.


	4. Chapter 4

*** *** *** *** *** DAY TWO *** *** *** *** ***

  
Zelda: Link _wake up_.

  
Link: Ungh…

  
He rolled over trying to look sound asleep, but failed to do so as he rolled off the side of the bed and landed on the floor.

  
Link: Oof! _Naaaaarg_. Fine I'm up.

  
Zelda: Hahaha you fell out of bed.

  
Link: *Stood up gradually* Yes. So it would seem. And what's the rush to get up so early anyway?

  
Zelda: It's not early. It's gone 8:00 in the morning already!

Link: _That’s_ early. Especially when you’re on holiday. I mean, since when does this time actually exists on holiday? Or ever, for that matter…

  
They both went out and sat in the sun. Zelda got out her book and sat reading it, but with one eye constantly on the look out for centipedes. Link on the other hand, found a shady spot and a towel, laid it out flat and then lay down and went back to sleep. It was early afternoon when he woke up again. By this time, Ganondorf was also up. Or at least had moved out of bed and outdoors, where he lay basking in the sun. Zelda was sat under a tree making daisy chains.

  
Zelda: Link, I made you a present to wear.

  
Link: Huh? What?

  
Zelda: *Held out the daisy chain* Present for you.

  
Link: Oh. A daisy chain. Well, thanks but I don't think I'd suit it to be honest.

  
Zelda: Oh but you'd look so pretty. Please Linky.

  
Ganondorf: Ahahaha, _Linky._

  
Zelda: I made one for you too. You'll both wear them. Linky and…er…Ganny.

  
Link: _AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GANNY_

Ganondorf: NO.

  
Link: Zelda, I know you may find this difficult to understand, so let me put it plainly and simply. We do not wear daisy chains. But thank you anyway.

  
* * * Later, by the pool * * *

  
Link: Wow. It's pretty hot here, don't you think?

  
Zelda: I know, I'm roasted.

  
Ganondorf: It's not hot. Nice and warm, but not hot.

  
Link: Yes well you come from a desert, you're used to the heat.

  
Zelda: I'm too hot. Even in the shade.

  
She wafted herself vigorously with one of the many fans she had packed.

  
Ganondorf: Well I know how to sort that out.

  
Link and Zelda: You do?

  
Ganondorf waved his arm. Link and Zelda both slowly levitated into the air, and then, with a quick flick of the wrist, Ganondorf threw them both into the centre of the swimming pool.

  
Zelda: EEK! It's cold.

  
Link: Ah, its cold.

  
Link and Zelda both splashed around in the pool, which was clean and clear and cool. Ganondorf, on the other hand, returned to basking in the sun. The idea of going outside into the sun and not nearly dying from the heat was quite novel to him, and he had to admit, he liked it.

In the pool Zelda initially complained that her clothes would take ages to dry, but then decided it didn't matter too much as she had plenty spare. Link pulled on his Zora Tunic and spent most of the time at the bottom of the pool. After a while of swimming and diving, playing and relaxing, she and Link went and sat on the step under the waterfall, and let the water wash over their heads and down their backs. Ganondorf still lay in the sun, half asleep. Much time passed by the time the two climbed out of the pool. Zelda went inside to dry and change her clothes. Link crept quietly up to the sleeping Gerudo, removed his soaked tunic and rung it out, raining water onto Ganondorf's face.

  
Ganondorf: *Without moving or opening an eye* Bugger off.

  
Link: You're welcome. *Rung out more water from his tunic*

  
Ganondorf: You know, usually I'd probably go and throw you in the pool again, or over a cliff or something. But right now I can't be bothered to move.


	5. Chapter 5

*** *** *** *** *** DAY THREE *** *** *** *** ***

It was mid morning.

  
Zelda: I wouldn’t mind some breakfast. We forgot about that yesterday. And lunch. And dinner, we didn't eat at all yesterday. How could we forget to eat?

  
Link: I didn't forget to eat. I just didn't eat, because we haven't any food. Believe me I don't forget food.

  
Zelda: Well what will we do for food? Where can we buy any?

  
They managed to find the pirate's charm stone and called Rauru.  
  
  
Rauru: Yes?

  
Link: Quick question. Where do we get food?

  
Rauru: Oh yes, I forgot. There's a market not far down the road, I'm sure you'll find food there. Here, you'll need this.

  
He threw a bag filled with money.

  
Link: What's this?

  
Rauru: Their currency. They don't accept rupees where you're staying. I gave you a bit extra so you can hire some horses. There's a place a little further up the mountain. *Looked over toward Ganondorf.* See, _now_ aren't you glad I packed it to stay in touch?

  
Ganondorf: No.

  
Rauru: _Well you should be!_ *Disappeared*

  
Link: Right so I'm guessing we need the horses for transport. Well I'm hungry so lets go. Ganondorf, you joining us?

  
They all set off along the road. And by ‘road’ it was more of a dust track.

  
Link: Soooo. This horse place is further up the mountain.

  
Zelda: Well that narrows it down. This whole place seems to be one big mountain.

  
Ganondorf: *Leapt into the air and hovered for a brief moment, then lowered gradually* It's a bit further up this road, and then take a left and keep going for a bit more.

  
Link: Show-off…

  
* * * Some time later * * *

They came to a place where a group of horses were tethered to trees. They were small horses, or ponies to be correct. Specifically, they were Icelandic ponies. What Icelandic Ponies were doing on a Greek island is anyone’s guess.  
  
There seemed to be nobody around to ask about them, so Link wandered up to one of ponies and patted it on the neck. At that moment, a funny looking man with dark hair and a long beard, wearing old clothes and a straw hat appeared. He dashed over to Link and spoke very quickly. (I must apologise, my Greek is not what you could call fluent, and I’ve also had to translate the letters into English writing, so mistakes are inevitable. I do try my best!)

Farmer: I blepo eseis blepe-be endieferomenos mesa aftoi dikos-mou alogos gia enoikiazo. Eseis brisko kalo aftous, malista? Pos polloi eseis chreiazomai? O opoios panta eteis anagki. Arthro timi? Arthro kallistos opoiosdipote mporo brisko. Yposchesi!

  
Link: Eh?

  
Farmer: I blepo eseis peripou apo dikos-mou prostimo alogos. Aftoi echo poly kala troposs. Dino eseis poly logikos timi. Pouthena boulisi eseis brisko a beltiono douleai.

  
Link: Oh great, we don't speak the language. We speak _seven_ different languages between us and Rauru chooses to send us somewhere we can’t communicate with people…

  
Zelda: I’m sure he had his reasons.

  
Ganondorf: *Walked up to the farmer.* We'll take two horses.

  
The farmer continued to untie all of the horses and lead them over to Link and and Ganondorf. Zelda stood patting the grey one.

  
Ganondorf: No, two. Two. Not all eight of them! Two. Deux? _Zwei? Dos?_

  
(The word he was looking for was ‘duo’)

  
Link: Douze?

  
Ganondorf: That means _twelve_ you idiot!

  
Link: Oh yeah.

  
Ganondorf: *Held out two fingers.* Two.

  
Farmer: Brachos Efima Psalidi! Eseis kerdizo, eseis mporo echo aftous gia eleytheros. An eseis chano, eseis plirono perissotero chrimata na ego o idios. Megalos idea. Proparaskeyazo gia katabillo!

  
He then held out a fist for the rock, and bashed Ganondorf's fingers as the `rock crushes the scissors'.

  
Link: Oh don’t tell me… he thought they were playing Rock Paper Scissors…

  
Ganondorf: _What the!?_ He… _hit_ me…*Raised a fist in response*

  
Link placed his hand on Ganondorf's fist as he drew it back

  
Link: Now let's not hit back.  
  
  
Ganondorf: *Lowered his fist and growled* Grrr. You're lucky I'm on holiday…

  
Link then took two of the ponies and gave the man some money.

  
Zelda: Can I have the grey one please.

  
Link: As you wish.

  
He swapped the brown pony for the grey.

  
Link: Ganondorf, why only two. Aren't you having one?

  
Ganondorf stood next to the pony, which stood at about 14hh and looked down at it. For those non-horsey readers, one hand high –hh- is about 10cm. So basically, there he was looking down at a horse which was about 140cm at the top of it's back, when he was used to his horse which stood at nearer 2 metres tall.

Ganondorf: Could be a little small. Rauru! My horse!

A vortex appeared in the sky, and his horse thundered toward the earth, letting out a shrill call. The farmer was terrified. He looked at Ganondorf, dressed in black, and then up to the black horse which landed and stood proud, snorting and stamping it's hoof. The Gerudo mounted up, and the stallion began to prance round in circles. Ganondorf held him back, which only made him more agitated.

Farmer: _ARTHRO TETARTOS ALOGOS-ANDRAS PARA ARTHRO APOKALYPSI!_ *Ran away as fast as he could.*

  
Ganondorf: What got him?

  
Rauru: He thought you were the Fourth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

  
Ganondorf: Oh. So he thinks I'm Death. Do I look like the Grim Reaper to you?

  
Zelda: If one uses their imagination a little. Huge black stallion modelling silver armour just appearing out of the sky. That get up is pretty Gothic. And your cloak is long, loose and sort of could create a hood. And it _could_ look like a robe I guess, if it black. Which it isn’t. But you know, if you squint… maybe.

  
Link: Basically you're tall, dark and your eyes glow. So yes. Although, if he thinks _you_ look like Death, he should have seen your phantom.

  
The black stallion continued to spin round in circles, lifting his front feet on occasions. Most people would probably have found themselves becoming dizzy and nauseated at this point, but Ganondorf was so used to it by now he barely even noticed.

  
Ganondorf: I see. _But I am not a skeleton and I don't carry a scythe!_ Also, can we go? I can't hold this guy back forever you know.

  
By now the horse was trotting sideways.

  
Ganondorf: And besides, I think you’ll find Death rides a _white_ horse.

  
* * * Later that afternoon * * *

  
The three of them rode into the town. Zelda sat side-saddle on her pony, whom she had called Filika and Link patted his, which he named Perry. Ganondorf was at the front on his stallion named Arravis-Drachire (pronounced Ara-viss Drack-ear, roll the r's), but he tended just to call him Arravis. Filika and Perry plodded along calmly, whereas Arravis had once again taken to trotting sideways.

  
Zelda: Link, why does that horse always have to go sideways?

  
Link: Because it’s a nutcase.

  
Zelda: He’d make a very good dressage horse. He has a wonderful half-pass, and a near perfect piaffe.

  
Link: What’s a half-pass? And what’s a piaffe? In fact, what’s dressage?

  
Zelda: *Sat a little taller on her pony* The most advanced form of riding. It takes years of training your horse to perform a series of complex manoeuvres, thus demonstrating the art of riding and training a horse in a manner that develops balance, rhythm, suppleness, precision, flexibility and obedience. The piaffe is a collected, elevated trotting on the spot. The half-pass is when the horse moves sideways, flexed in the direction of travel.  
  
The fact Arravis acted like one of the Caballo Peruano horses was neither here nor there.

  
Link: I see. That’s all very well except I don’t think those ‘manoeuvres’ are intentional.

  
As they wandered through town they got a number strange looks from the locals, as their clothing was quite unlike anything anyone had ever seen. Apparently a bright green tunic along with a Hylian shield and a sheath yielding a Sacred Sword, a long princess style dress and black medieval armour are not often worn by local people.

  
  
Link: *To a passer by* What are you staring at?

Zelda: Oh don't mind them. Possibly haven't seen a Hero of Time, a Princess and a King of Evil before, especially not all at the same time and not at each other’s throat and trying to kill each other. Or at least one of them, anyway…

  
Link: Fair enough. That’s a point though Ganondorf. You seem surprisingly docile. You’re supposed to be evil.

  
Ganondorf: *Glanced down casually* Perhaps evil is merely a point of view.

  
Link: No. No the Sacred Realm transformed into the Evil Realm when you took the Triforce. So -

  
Ganondorf: Oh really - been there recently have you?

  
Link: Well no…

  
Zelda: Well I _have_ , and well lets put it this way. Of all the words to describe that place these days, ‘Sacred’ is not one of them.

Ganondorf: Alright then. I'm on _holiday_. I don't have to be evil all the time you know. I'm taking a break. You want me to be evil? Well that suits me just fine, because all this being nice to _you two_ , of all people. That can all change easily. I'll gladly be evil again. No problem, so if that's what you want…

  
Link: NO! No no no it's fine, honestly.

  
Ganondorf: *Looked suspiciously into Link's eye* Are you sure…?

  
Link smiled and nodded quickly.

  
Zelda: Oh _pack it in_ you two. Look, there's the market square. C'mon lets get something to eat.

  
They stopped by some trees in the park and tied the horses in the shade. Filika and Perry stood as calm as could be, nonchalantly chewing the cud and obviously used to this lifestyle. Arravis on the other hand did not take kindly to being tethered, and so stomped around in circles, constantly trying to break his leash. It was quite some time before he calmed down.

The three of them then headed to the market. Link had wanted to stay on the swings but Zelda wouldn't let him, so he wasn't best pleased. They all went off separately to find what they wanted. Link found a stall selling corn-on-the-cob, and so he couldn't go by without getting some. He also bought plenty extra for at the house, some cheese and pasta, and various bits and pieces to with it. Ganondorf wondered around for a while, somewhat bedazzled by the unfamiliar cuisine which he found. Being from the desert, he was used to millet bread, dried dates, goats milk and that was about it. The wasteland wasn’t exactly the land of abundance after all…

Zelda was the one who bought all the fruit and vegetables, as she figured neither of the other two would buy any. She also brought a loaf of bread, some cheese and salami style sausage they could share for breakfast.  
  
By the time they returned, a number of children had gathered around and were patting the horses. Perry and Filika revelled in all the attention, but Arravis didn't approve of this. His snorting, stamping and raising his back leg ready to strike kept them at bay.

Link: You know that horse has a _serious_ attitude problem.

Ganondorf: I have no problem with that.  
  
  
They decided to sit and have breakfast in the park, unperturbed by the group of children that had gathered around and were patting their horses. Zelda sliced the bread and made open sandwiches. Link scoffed his pretty quickly. Ganondorf inspected his a moment, then picked the meat off and threw it to one of the stray cats that was relaxing under a tree.

Link: Aww see you _do_ care.

Ganondorf: I’m vegetarian.

Link and Zelda together: *Sat bolt upright* _WHAT!?_

Ganondorf: *Shifted his eyes questioningly* What..?

Link: There is _no way_ you are a vegetarian.

Ganondorf: *Shifted his eyes again* … yes I am.

Zelda: Well I would _not_ have guessed that.

Link frowned. That was possibly the most ridiculous thing he'd heard all week. There was _no way_ someone who was seven foot tall and built like a brick out-house could possibly be sustained on a diet of vegetables and rice.   
  
  
Link: But if... what …. _H_ _OW_ _!_?

  
It was not long before a group of older kids came to check out the horses. They soon chased the youngsters away and started bigging themselves up in the way teenage brats often do. All the screaming and rushing about startled and then angered Arravis. He started snorting and stomping his hooves again. The kids, in their infinite wisdom, thought it would be a laugh to square up to him and start testing his nerve. One in particular tried to scratch his muzzle as a show of bravado. Arravis was having none of it, and swung round and tried to take a chunk out of his arm. The boy yelled and pushed the horse away, then kicked up a cloud of dust at the animal. Arravis reared up sharply and went to charge, but came to an abrupt halt as his tether lurched.

The group laughed and made jeering sounds to each other. Between them they started to taunt the horse, either by running toward him then darting away or kicking dust at him. One or two even threw stones.

Ganondorf: Yeah they probably don’t want to be doing that.

Zelda: …and are you going to stop them….?

Without answering, Ganondorf laughed quietly, knowing full well that he didn't have to.

  
The group carried on. Again and again Arravis reared up and charged, steam flaring from his nostrils. The rope holding him becoming weaker and weaker.

Suddenly Arravis reared right up on his hind legs, pulling from side to side. The tether frayed. Then it snapped, and he was free. He roared and leapt forward at his assailants, who turned and quite literally ran for their lives.

  
Zelda: _Oh my gosh Ganondorf do something!_

  
Ganondorf: No. Teach them not to annoy my horse again.

  
Zelda: You _cannot_ be serious!? That horse will _kill_ them! *looked around at the chaos that was unfolding* In that case, _Link do something!_

  
Link: Errrr….

  
Another roar erupted as the kids took off across the town square and toward the narrow streets. Arravis charged in hot pursuit, the hard cobbled pathways making little impact on his thunderous hooves. As a red rag to a bull, he careered through the market stalls, scattering the produce across the floor. Traders simply dived out of the way.  
  
It wasn't long before the group of kids found themselves trapped at the end of an alleyway. Sparks flew as the stallion skidded round the corner and raced onwards, eyes blazing and foaming at the mouth. They screamed as he reared up over them.  
  
  
Suddenly Arravis’s head swung round abruptly.

  
Link: *Had vaulted onto Perry and was now by his side. He pulled hard on the rein* WHOA LAD. Steady Arravis, whoa lad.

  
The stallion squealed and pivoted on the spot. He reared upward and towered over Link, pulling him from the saddle. Without letting up the reins Link scrambled to his feet. Arravis protested sharply as he tried to pull free. Link held on tight and refused to let go, dodging the horses hooves as it kicked around wildly.

Link: Whoa lad. Steady - steeeeaady…

Link found himself being pulled ruthlessly from side to side. Arravis was much stronger than any other horse he’d ever handled. But then he was also much bigger too.

Link: I'm not. Letting. Go so get. That. Idea. Out of your. Head.

  
Arravis refused to calm. He continued rearing and kicking out, snorting wildly and jumping around, all the while trying to pull away. Link had a difficult time avoiding getting kicked in the head, but still refused to let go, as he knew he wasn't going to let a horse mess him about. Even if it _was_ almost the size of a house.

  
Ganondorf: *Was still watching from by the tree in the square.* ARRAVIS! _ENOUGH!_

  
The stallion stopped rearing immediately and tried to look innocent, as if to say `I wasn’t doing anything…'

  
Link: _Finally_ …

  
He turned to the kids, who were now huddled in the corner.

  
Link: Right. If ANY of you EVER come near this horse again, and if I catch you trying ANYTHING like this EVER again, you will not live to regret it. As you won't live at all. Because next time, _I'll not stop him_. _UNDERSTOOD!?_

None of them could understand a word Link said, but, by the tone of his voice and the look on his face, they sheepishly decided to leave. And then after seeing Ganondorf get up and walk toward his horse, then seeing Arravis, they ran like hell.

Link: *Scowled and handed Ganondorf the reins* Feel free to step in next time. YOU OWE ME.


	6. Chapter 6

*** *** *** *** *** DAY FOUR *** *** *** *** ***

  
Everything was still. The world it seemed, was still asleep. The sun had not long reached over the horizon. Birds flitted through the trees, the horses were grazing in the paddock, and already the lizards were out and on the rocks. Link had awoken early - around the same time as the crickets - and had wandered outside. He was stood watching the horses through the morning haze. He smiled. He knew it would soon clear, and, unusually for him, all was calm.

(From inside) Zelda: AAARGH! LINK, THERE'S A CENTEPIDE IN MY ROOM!

  
Link sighed. The shriek had startled all wildlife from around him as he watched it so peacefully, and the horses were now charging around the paddock.

Zelda: LINK! _IT'S MOVING!_

  
Eventually Link wandered inside, only to find Ganondorf stood holding it and Zelda in the bathroom again.

  
Link: Don't you start…

  
Ganondorf: What? I wasn't going to. I promised I wouldn't, remember?

  
Link: No offence, but just because you say something, doesn’t mean -

  
Ganondorf: *Frowned* Hey _don’t_ you question my honour. I _always_ keep my word. I just don’t often _give_ it.

Zelda: _Yeah right_. You told my father you would be our allies, and look how that turned out!

Ganondorf: Oh _that’s_ what he told you did he? *Laughed* Well that figures.

  
Zelda: _Are you calling my father a liar?_

Ganondorf: *Inspecting the pincers of the centipede* Ohhh I’m not calling him anything Princess. I’m not discussing politics on holiday, so don’t get hung up over it.

  
Zelda: _Don't get hung up over it!?_ _WHAT!?_ I’ll hang _you_ up in a minute. _By the neck!_

  
Link: Also a thief isn’t the exactly most honourable occupation really.

  
Ganondorf: I tell you I’m a thief then steal from you. True to my word.

  
Link: *Paused* Erm… right. And to those you _don’t_ tell then steal from?

  
Ganondorf: Not breaking my word then, am I? No words to break.

  
Link: er….

  
Ganondorf: Go ahead and fault _that_ logic.

  
Link: You know Zelda I hate to say but he’s got us riddled there. He’s got a point.

  
Zelda: Hey don’t you start taking sides! Especially not _his!_ And go ahead and _riddle_ this _:_ _Is he still holding it!?_

  
Link: Oh, right. *Turned to Ganondorf* Are you actually going to get rid of that?

  
Ganondorf: Or we could keep it and she’d never come out.

  
Zelda: I heard that.

  
Link: *Raised his eyebrows* Your word, remember.

  
Ganondorf rolled his eyes then headed toward the door, but before he got there the centipede twisted round and sank it’s pincers into his hand.

  
Ganondorf: AARGH! It bit me! Why you little…I'll show _you!_ *Launched it out the window and practically over the horizon*

Zelda: Serves you right for messing about with it.

  
Ganondorf: *Shaking his hand* Whilst doing you a favour, thanks Princess.

  
Link: Are they poisonous?

  
Ganondorf: *Laughed briefly and then stopped* I really hope not.

  
Link sighed and picked up the Pirates Charm. Reluctantly he called Rauru.

  
Rauru: Hello. Having a nice time are we?

  
Link: Yeah pretty good, thanks. Question. Are those giant centipede things poisonous?

  
Rauru: Who’s asking?

  
Link: *Frowned* Well… I am….

  
Rauru: Okay let me check.

  
He flicked through his book of ‘Dangerous Insects, Arachnids and Arthropods’ which he had, conveniently, to hand.

  
Rauru: Ah here it is. Oh. Yes, yes I'm afraid it is. Oh gosh you haven’t been bitten, have you Link?

  
Link: Well not personally…

  
Link’s eyes shifted toward Ganondorf, who was looking intently at the two puncture marks left on the back of his palm.

  
Rauru: Oh that’s alright then. For a minute I was worried.

  
Ganondorf: So now what?

  
Rauru: You will die.

  
Ganondorf: WHAT? No way, I've had worse.

Link: Rauru, are you serious?

  
Rauru: *Studied the book again* Well according to this, if he doesn’t get the antidote, then yes…eventually.

  
Ganondorf: Eventually meaning…as in the time you die of old age anyway?

  
Rauru: You should live a fair while with it. Few days perhaps. Maybe even a week or so. Depends how you react to it. Could only be a day, hours even, or less…. I hear it’s _very_ painful. I’m so _awfully_ sorry.

  
Ganondorf: Shut up trying to scare me.

  
Link: Rauru, is it really that bad?

  
Rauru: Check if you don’t believe me.

  
He threw the book through the vortex. Link caught it and flicked through the pages.

  
Link: Oh yes here it is. Right. “The venom contained in the bite of this centipede is potent, containing powerful toxins including acetylcholine, agitoxin, scyllatoxin and serotonin. Possible symptoms include pain -

  
Ganondorf: Yes.

  
Link: Swelling -

  
Ganondorf: Yes.

  
Link: _Let me finish_. “Possible symptoms include pain, swelling, necrosis, fever, nausea, dizziness, blurred vision, disorientation, convulsions, shortness of breath, palpitations, cardiac arrest and death.”

Zelda slowly opened the bathroom door and walked out. All four of them looked at one another.

  
Link *Closed the book.* Well I would have said death was a more of a consequence than a symptom.

  
Ganondorf: I really hate that centipede.

  
He looked at his hand. It was already starting to feel the effects. Which were getting worse by the second.

  
Link: So where do we get the antidote?

  
Rauru: I really don’t think that will be necessary. Think about it. Solves all our problems and saves you a job.

  
Ganondorf: Well that’s just rude.

  
Link: Yeah that is a little bit harsh.

  
Rauru simply shrugged his shoulders.

  
Ganondorf: *Glared at Rauru* I will not forget this.

  
Rauru: No. You will die.

  
Ganondorf: *Narrowed his eyes.* We’ll see.

  
Rauru disappeared.

  
Link: Now what?

  
Zelda: Maybe there’s an alchemist on this island somewhere.

  
* * * * * * 

The three of them saddled up the horses and set off toward the town. Link and Zelda chatted between themselves, occasionally glancing back toward Ganondorf. He wasn’t saying much, and followed on behind in near silence. Perry and Filika would occasionally turn their heads and give each other a playful nip. Arravis, on the other hand, plodded along peacefully.

  
Zelda: Never thought we’d ever be in this situation, right?

  
Link: What do you mean?

  
Zelda: I mean you know, actually _helping_ him.

  
Link: Yeah I know. But to be fair he was doing you a favour at the time. I think that’s slightly more weird. I _definitely_ wouldn’t have expected _that_.

  
Zelda: True. I mean if he wasn’t hear it might have been _you_ that got bitten. That would have been horrendous.

  
Link: Hmm, although I probably would have flicked it outside with my sword. Or a towel.

  
Zelda turned round for a minute. Ganondorf’s head nodded rhythmically as Arravis plodded on. He didn’t seem to notice he was being watched, and instead continued to gaze vaguely in front of him. There was little expression on his face.

  
Zelda: You know what else I don’t understand? Usually that horse is a complete nutcase, but now Ganondorf isn’t even holding the reins and it’s as calm as can be. Do you think he knows something is wrong?

  
Link: Well they do say animals have a sixth sense about these things.

  
Zelda: You’re right. When I was ill with flu once, my cat Milly stayed on my bed the whole time. I mean it was a bit annoying really, but very sweet.

Link: Yeah when I was ill a while back Marwood would barely leave me alone.

  
Zelda: Who’s Marwood?

  
Link: My cow. And it is annoying when you’re trying to sleep and keep getting nudged on the shoulder by a cow. But a kind thought.

  
Zelda: Awww that’s so sweet! Um, changing the subject, where are we actually heading?

  
Link: *Shrugged* I don’t really know. Hey let’s ask that woman over there.

  
He was referring to the old lady not far in front of them, who was half way up an olive tree harvesting the crop. He steered Perry over toward her .

  
Link: Excuse me Madam, we’re looking for an alchemist. Don’t suppose you could point us in the right direction?

  
Old woman: Poz mporo na boefeso?

  
Link showed her Ganondorf’s hand, which had swollen considerably, then shrugged his shoulders and waved his arms around a little. (This is universal sign language which translates roughly as ‘what the hell do we do about this?’)

  
Old woman: Sarantapodronsa!

  
She rummaged in her apron and pulled out a handful of herbs and a cloth, placed them over the wound then pressed hard.

  
Old woman: Αnto pha boethesei alla Tha prepei na psitasonme se ena pharmakeio! _Tora!_

  
Link: English?

  
Old: _Pharmakio_. _Pharrrrrrmakiao_. Pharmacy. *Pointed down the road.* Tora _tora tora!_

  
Zelda: Oooh Link I think I'm learning the language. I think ‘tora’ means hurry.

  
Link: You do?

  
Zelda: Yes, from the way she said it.

  
Link: Well we’d best get going then. Ganondorf, you hanging on in there?

  
Ganondorf nodded slowly, but said nothing.

  
* * * In town * * *

  
They rode into the town centre, where again they got some strange looks. Link saw the group of teenage lads from the previous day. They saw Link, who scowled at them, drew his sword and glared evilly. He laughed as they ran away, then returned his sword to his sheath and continued to laugh.

  
Zelda: Now Link you know scaring people unnecessarily is wrong. That's more like something Ganondorf would do. And then laugh at.

  
Link: Ah, but that wasn’t unnecessary. That was reinforcement. Anyway, Ganondorf, how's you hand? Still hurting?

  
Ganondorf: Huh…what? Oh, yeah. A lot more than my hand hurts. I really don’t feel well. Where's this pharmacy?

  
He leaned down toward Link, squinting slightly, in the hope his vision would back come into focus.

  
Ganondorf: What _is_ a pharmacy?

  
Zelda: It must be their version of a potion shop. That's it there I think, with the cross outside. I can read most of it but some of those letters I've never seen before.

* * * Inside * * *

  
There were crowds of people inside, all waiting to get to the counter. Three young women worked frantically to try and serve everybody.

  
Zelda: Oh great. It'll take all night to reach the counter at this rate. Can you wait for that long?

  
Ganondorf looked down and wondered which of the three Zeldas he could see had actually said that.

  
Zelda: Can… can you her me?

  
Link: Oh enough of this.

He looked at Ganondorf - who was swaying slightly - and then whispered something to him, smiled and nodded.

  
Zelda: What's going on? Link it's rude to whisper.

  
Link: I have a cunning plan.

  
He whispered in Zelda's ear, and she too smiled and nodded.

  
Link: (Still whispering) Ready everybody? Go!

  
Ganondorf: AAAAAAARGH!

  
He stumbled forward onto his knees. Link rushed forward to support him.

  
Link: *Pulled him up and put Ganondorf's arm round his shoulder to support him* I got you. HE NEEDS HELP!

  
Zelda: Oh my gosh. *Pushed through the crowd* Step aside people. Dying person coming through, come on, move it move it move it! Out of the way people, come on come on. Your not helping, I will NOT ask again, now MOVE!

  
Everybody stood aside and allowed them through quickly. Zelda shoved aside any who were in the way, and it was not long before they were at the front. The whole thing caused quite a commotion, and some parents lead their children outside.

  
Pharmacist: (In fairly good English) What is matter with him? What is happen?

Zelda: He's been bitten by one of those, *pointed to a picture on the desk* and reacted badly to it.

  
Pharmacist: Oh this bad. Come through back now. Quickly.

  
They all followed her through to the back room, where there was a bed and many medical and herbal treatments stacked on the walls. They sat on the bed. The pharmacist told them he must stay awake, and wasn't allowed to pass out. She started rummaging through the medical equipment.

  
Link: *Whispered* Success. How you doing?

  
Ganondorf didn't reply, but stared straight ahead of him. His breathing was coarse and his skin was cold and clammy. His glowing eyes had turned dim.

  
Link: I'm not sure he's faking it anymore….

  
After a few minutes the lady came back over with a medical kit. She pulled out a Teramind leaf and carefully made a slit in the central vein. She then took Ganondorf’s hand, made a small incision across the bite and laid the leaf over it. Having held it for a number of minutes, she then prepared a poultice from Galagara and Connessi bark and applied it to the wound, then bandaged it up. Finally, she prepared a decotion (similar to tea) made from Moringa bark and, once Ganondorf came round properly, she told him to drink it. He did so, albeit reluctantly, as frankly, it tasted awful.

  
Ganondorf was told to stay hydrated and to rest, but not sleep until they knew it had worked. The pharmacist said they would keep an eye on him, so Zelda and Link decided to take the horses for a stroll and get some lunch, agreeing to come back later to see how things were getting along. By the time they returned Ganondorf was sat up and looked a bit perkier.

Link: So… how's the patient?

Ganondorf mumbled some sort of response.  
  
  
After some discussion between themselves and the pharmacist, Ganondorf made it quite clear that he had no intention of staying overnight. The pharmacist wasn't best pleased, but agreed on condition he took some of the poultice to keep applied until the wound healed, some extra bandaging and the decotion with him and that he _must_ take it have it _twice_ a day until it ran out. Zelda said she’d make sure he took it.

* * * Back at the house. * * *

  
Zelda: How are you feeling now?

  
Ganondorf looked at his bandaged hand, which was still burning and sore, and frowned. He really _really_ didn’t like that centipede.

Ganondorf: *Clasped his hands over his face* Urrrgh like I have the _worst_ hangover in history. Seriously I’m going to bed. For six months. Because by then, I might feel normal again. *Went inside*  
  
  
Zelda: We'll be out here if…okay that’s fine ignore me.

  
Ganondorf: Will do.

  
Zelda: *Folded her arms* Hasn’t affected his attitude, clearly.

  
Link: Ah he’ll be fine. Don’t know about you but I’m off in the pool.

  
Zelda: I like that idea.

  
The two splashed around for some time, making the most of the late afternoon sun. It was around four o'clock, so the sun wasn't blazing too much. They stayed in there for an hour or so, before making supper and then spent the evening outside, gazing up at the stars.


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

The next few days were spent at the house relaxing and enjoying the sun. Link got a little bored from time to time, so went out exploring the olive groves and around the local area. He enjoyed discovering little towns tucked away in the mountains, and would often get himself quite lost. It was something he was used to, and it did not phase him at all if it was getting dark. The nights were warm enough, after all. And he did manage to find his way back eventually, even if it was the early hours of the morning. Zelda wasn't best pleased when he did this, and Ganondorf, who though still recovering, was still true to form, and wasn't bothered at all.

* * *

*** *** *** *** *** Day EIGHT *** *** *** *** ***

  
  
They had decided to go out. Having spent the much of the past few days in, Zelda and Link had decided to head to the coast, and Ganondorf, feeling better, had eventually decided to join them. Apparently Link had come across a really nice beach area during one of his jaunts across the island, and was quite keen to go back. It was slightly off the beaten track, and had a little taverna tucked away in the corner selling cold drinks. They had set out reasonably early, and trekked through many small villages and through forests (made up entirely of olive trees) before finally getting to the sea. And to be fair to Link, it was pretty nice. The sand was golden, almost white. There sea was clear turquoise. It was quiet, there were rocks for shade when needed.  
  
Having tethered the horses, Link and Zelda went and found a shaded spot under a tree near the edge of the golden sands. Zelda settled down beside it and took out her book. Ganondorf went and sprawled out under the full sun. Link spent some time skipping rocks and throwing stones into the sea, before coming back and sitting near Zelda. 

Link: How the hell is he not melting?

Ganondorf: *Opened one eye glanced upward* Quite easily. This sun is _child’s play_.

  
Zelda: Well Link has been in the belly of an _active volcano_ , so when it comes to handling heat Link wins hands down.

Link: *Snapped his fingers* _Why_ did I not think of this before!? *Pulled on his Goron Tunic*

  
He breathed a deep sigh of relief.

  
Ganondorf: I can think of a reason.

  
Zelda: Hey, Ganondorf, you need to be nice to us remember. We helped you. Be nice.

  
Ganondorf rolled his eyes dismissively and then went back to basking in the sun.

  
Link: Also, I thought you were staying in bed for six months.

  
Ganondorf: Yes, well. I felt better earlier than expected. But like I said, I’ve had worse.

  
Zelda: Have you really?

  
Ganondorf: Yeah, I was bitten by a cobra when I was about fifteen, maybe sixteen. They hide under rocks and things. And when they bite they mean business. Was in SO much trouble after that.

  
Link: *Frowned* Trouble...what for surviving...?

  
Ganondorf: It kinda felt that way. I have _never_ been hit with a broom so hard in my life. She actually broke the handle. I had a black eye for _weeks._ And I told them it wasn’t _intentional_. But then with Koume and Kotake there is no reasoning sometimes.

  
Link: Oh right those two... Yeah you don’t say…

  
Zelda: Well if you were messing about with it like you were the centipede then its no wonder.

  
Ganondorf: That’s the thing – I wasn’t, just didn't see it.

  
Zelda: Well you should consider yourself lucky anyway. That thing could have killed you.

Ganondorf: I doubt it.

  
Zelda: Why?

  
Ganondorf: Only the good die young.

  
Link: Oh crap.

  
Zelda: Don’t listen to him.

  
Link: Yeah, well. It can’t have been that bad anyway as you felt better 5 months, 27 days, 18 hours and… however many minutes earlier than expected.

  
Ganondorf: Something like that. Did you seriously bother to work that out?

  
Link: *Smug* Me are smart.

  
Zelda: Not as smart as me. I have the Triforce of Wisdom.

  
Link: Without that, you'd be um…*paused and tried to find the right word* Un-smart!

  
Zelda: That is not true. I was wise as a child, as I am sure you recall.

  
Link: I remember you talked me into opening the Door of Time so then Ganondorf got into the Sacred Realm and stole the Triforce. Which was exactly what _wasn’t_ supposed to happen. Notice the word _wasn’t_.

  
Zelda: Yes, well. How was I to know he would steal it?

  
Ganondorf: They don't call me the King of Thieves for nothing.

  
Link: Yes, well he's not a very good thief anyway. And if you try and steal one thing from me, you'll be sorry.

  
Ganondorf: Is that so?

  
Link: You will be when you feel the edge of the Master Sword at your throat.

He reached for his sword, but his hands clasped air. He frowned and instinctively spun round. Zelda shrugged her shoulders. Link turned back round, only to see Ganondorf now sitting on the rocks and resting it in his hand.

  
Ganondorf: It's got a good sharp blade I suppose. Nice weight. Not too heavy, not too light. Easy to manoeuvre. I advise you take care of it. Good swords like this don't come about that often.

  
Link: *Frowned.* Okay, you can give me the Master Sword back now.

  
Zelda: .... I thought he couldn't touch that. The Sacred Blade which evil ones may never touch…?

  
Link: That’s why he’s holding it by the sheath. But I still have my light arro - _Right you can give those back too!_

  
Ganondorf: *Laughed* For a bad thief I think I did rather well to get these without you noticing. And these…

  
He held up Link's wallet, hookshot and Golden Gauntlets

  
Link: But… But I'm _wearing_ those gauntlets!?

  
Ganondorf: Not anymore.

  
Link: Okay fine you've made your point. You're a highly skilled thief now give those back right now!

  
He launched himself at the Gerudo and tried to snatch them back. Ganondorf laughed and held them high in the air. Being over 7ft 6’ tall, this put them way out of anybody's reach. Link did not like being shown up like this, and quickly started getting more and more irate.

  
Zelda: *In an attempt to prevent the impending punch-up* Okay guys, let's go for a swim.

* * * In the sea * * *

Link: I like the sea. It's nice and cool.

  
Zelda: I like it when it's clear and I can see what’s around me.

  
Link: Always a bonus.

  
Ganondorf appeared from under the waves. His long fiery red hair hung down and covered his face, rendering him momentarily unable to see. He held up his arms and poured the water out of his gauntlets, then shook his hair out of his eyes.

  
Link: You really ought to tie your hair back when swimming. If you did, that wouldn't happen.

  
Zelda: Or get a haircut.

  
Ganondorf: NO! No haircut.

Link: What's wrong with -

  
Ganondorf: I _don't_ want to talk about it.

  
Link: Okay then…

  
Zelda: Where did you learn to swim if you’re from the desert?

  
Link: Zelda, his feet are still on the floor. I don’t think anyone could swim in _that_ outfit.

  
Ganondorf: Levitation works the same in water as it does in the air. Just saying.

Link: Alright show off.

  
Zelda: Last one over to the rock's a turnip.

  
They all swam as fast as they could. Link pulled on his Zora mask and sped away.

  
Zelda: That's cheating!

  
Ganondorf: Well two can play at that game.

  
He clicked his fingers, then teleported over to the rock, which Link had almost reached.

  
Link: Damn-it I was _so_ close! That was cheating. Oh hold on, I was cheating. _Damn!_

  
Zelda eventually caught them up. It did however take a long time, which is fair enough, as swimming in a dress is not exactly easy.

  
Zelda: Well I win 'cause I played fair.

Link: Fair enough. Wow there's lots of fish here. I like fishes. Awwww look these are really bright colours. They’re so cool! And look, a star fish! And not only that, but these fish _don't_ try and _eat_ you! Fish fish fish fish fish! Ganondorf move, I want to be up there.

  
Link gave Ganondorf a sharp shove and pushed him off the rock. The Gerudo stumbled over the edge and landed ungracefully in the water with a splash, receiving a mouthful of salty water in the process.

  
Ganondorf: Argh! Bloody hell that tastes awful! I'll get you for that!

  
He waved his arm and created a large wave which washed over the rock and dragged Link off the top with it.

  
Ganondorf: Hahahahaha

  
Link: _Right! That's it!_

  
This soon mounted up into a full-blown fist fight, along with headlocks, arm locks, karate chops, hip throws, kick throws, front flips, back twists, flying fists and whatever other moves you can think of. And possibly a few more added on to that.

  
Zelda: Alright you two. That's quite sufficient thank you. Come on now, no more fighting. Are you even listening to me?

  
The two of them continued pelting the living daylights out of each other and took no notice of her whatsoever.

  
Zelda: Now then let's leave it there, break it up you two.

  
They both completely ignored her and kept pulverising one another.

  
Zelda: _WILL YOU TWO STOP THAT!_

  
They both stopped.

  
Link: He started it.

  
Zelda: None of your excuses, either of you.

  
Link: But

  
Zelda: But nothing, it ends now.

  
Link: He

  
Zelda: _Link_. I am _not_ interested in who or what started it. Now it is finished and _that is final!_

  
* * * Later * * *

  
After staying to dry off in the sun, the three were sitting in the local taverna with a drink.

  
Link: We absolutely do have to come back here. Beaches are fun.

  
Zelda: Okay, we'll come back on one condition. No more fighting!

  
Ganondorf: You know that’s quite a big ask for us two, right?

Zelda: My point remains. You both said you _wouldn't_ try to kill each other, remember?   
  
  
Ganondorf: I don't think I actually agreed to that.  
  
  
Zelda: Oh I'll think you'll find you did!  
  
  
Ganondorf: You two might have. I didn't. Besides, I wouldn't have killed him. Just beaten him into a coma.  
  
  
Link: _Yeah right!_ You could have tried. You were on the rocks.  
  
  
Ganondorf: *Frowned* Is that a challenge?

  
Zelda: _Don't even THINK about it!_

  
Link felt the Pirates Charm vibrate in his pocket.

  
Rauru: Just checking up on things, seeing how things are going.

  
Link: Oh come on, is that really necessary?

  
Zelda: Everything is just fine, thank you.

  
Rauru: Well actually, I was wondering how is it now that - you know - I take it you're out celebrating, now that he’s….

Link: Oh - oh _that_. Why don’t you ask him…

  
He threw the Pirates Charm over to Ganondorf, who glowered at it with a glare that sent an icy chill through the bones.  
  
  
Ganondorf: Hello old friend.

  
Rauru: Oh, er…you’re… you’re alive!

  
Ganondorf: So it would appear.

  
Rauru: Well, erm. It would, perhaps appear that…erm. That I owe you an apology. My behaviour the other day was…. er… well I really don’t know what to say…..

  
Ganondorf: I do.

  
Rauru quietly broke into a cold sweat.

  
Rauru: You… you do?

  
Ganondorf: _FEAR ME_.


	8. Chapter 8

*** *** *** *** *** DAY NINE *** *** *** *** ***

By the time everybody was up, it was mid morning. They had decided to head into town. By the time Zelda was ready to go out, it was early afternoon. (Link was literally going to hit the town, or anything if Zelda hadn't hurried up) After all, he had been hoping to spend the day in the bustle of the town. Instead, he had spent over half of it waiting around. He had tried to find stuff to do, but he was restless. He'd already brushed the horses until they were spotless, (or Perry and Filika at least; Arravis had had other ideas.) He had buffed his shield until it sparkled, and his sword; he had made carvings in a number of trees, drawn an entire masterpiece in the dust, gone through every song he knew on the ocarina, and ones he didn't, and now he'd even taken to reading. Ganondorf on the other hand, had basked in the sun the whole time.  
  
By the time Zelda was finally ready they'd practically forgotten what they were going to do.

Link: Oh, could it be her ladyship is finally ready?

  
Zelda: Well I'll only be a few more minutes, I just need to…

  
Link: WE ARE LEAVING RIGHT NOW!

  
Zelda: Hang on just a few minutes and I'll be with you.

  
Link: Oh _come_ _on_. I can't understand how it takes some women so long. Ganondorf, you live in a society full of women, you must understand them better than I do. Why can it take them _so_ long to get ready?

  
Ganondorf: One of life's mysteries people like us were never destined to perceive.

  
Link: Meaning?

  
Ganondorf: Meaning I haven't got a clue.

  
Link: I don’t understand what they do the whole time. I mean, how long can it take to run a brush through your hair?

  
Ganondorf: Yeah, they’re not all like that mind. But some can spend like two hours “getting ready” and when they finally emerge they look pretty much the same as they did in the first place. NOT that I ever tell them this.

  
Link: Why not?

  
Ganondorf: *Raised an eyebrow* Experience.  
  
  
Link: Zelda, this is you last chance. It's now or we're going without you and I am _serious_.

  
Zelda: Okay fine. All I need to do is -

  
Link: BYE THEN!

  
* * * In town. * * *

  
It was not what you would call exactly busy in town, as many shops had closed for the afternoon. This is quite normal in the Med, as it gets so hot that and most locals have a siesta and everything usually re-opens around 5 or 6 o'clock. There were a few people about, but most were indoors. Link and co. had stopped in the park for a while.

Link: Wehey! An empty swing! *Ran off to go on the swing*  
  
  
Zelda: Oh Link, guess it’s just the simple things, hey.

  
Link: *Already swinging as high as he could* Oh come on, don’t tell me you ever grew out of this.

  
With that he leapt from the seat, flew through the air then landed with a clatter. He stumbled forward slightly then fell to his knees.

Link: WOOOHOOO!!

  
Zelda: Link you’ll end up breaking your ankles.

  
Link: *Already jumping off again* Yeah but its so worth the risk. Besides, I have this. *Held up a bottle of red potion* and before you say anything, Ganondorf, it heals wounds but doesn’t work on toxins.

  
Ganondorf: I am aware of that. Nice to see you had confidence in your fighting ability when you came to challenge me.

  
Zelda: *Sat down on the empty swing* Well I’ll not be trying any of those antics. But anyway, Ganondorf, push me.

  
Ganondorf: Gladly. *Pushed her off*

  
Zelda: Not like that!

  
Ganondorf: Hey you asked so…  
  
  
Zelda: The swing You idiot. Push the swing. Are you _that_ stupid!?

  
Ganondorf: Actually, now you come to mention it, IQs do tend to drop a little on holidays.

  
Link: You mean you actually have an IQ?

  
Zelda: But are you _that_ stupid!?

  
Ganondorf: Hey I did exactly as you asked. Oh and you're hilarious Link.

  
Zelda: You know, what I meant.

  
* * * Later that evening * * *

  
The shops had all opened again and the town was getting busy.

  
Zelda: What exactly are we here for?

  
Link: I thought you ladies loved shopping.

  
Zelda: I do, and…is that the biggest clothes shop I've ever seen? Yes!

  
Link: There is no way I'm setting foot in a shop like that. See I might feel out of place. But if you want to go…Zelda?

  
Zelda: *Already inside* I've died and gone to heaven.

Link: Zelda, we'll be around town. Meet you at the square in that taverna with the big umbrellas in say couple of hours? Zelda! _I said_ …

  
Zelda: Yes, yes I heard you the first time. Go on, off you go. I'm busy.

  
They left Zelda to do her own thing, and wandered round the town and the bazaar for a while. They stopped in a few shops, but not a lot really took their fancy.

  
Link: I want to get Malon a present.

  
Ganondorf: You _like_ her, don't you.

  
Link: What? Yes she's my friend. Not like that. *Blushed*

  
Ganondorf: Not like that I'm sure…

  
Link: Yes, well. I still want to get her something. What am I going to get her?

  
Ganondorf: Zelda likes clothes and bags and stuff.

  
Link: She's nothing like Zelda. She's a farm girl.

  
Ganondorf: Oh, well in that case I don't know.

  
Link: You must know what girls like.

  
Ganondorf: Not farm girls. We don’t have ‘farms’ in the desert.  
  
  
Link: You must do.

  
Ganondorf: Okay I’ll ask you this. How many lush green pastures have you seen in a desert? And how many crops do you know of that grow in a desert?

  
Link: Not many.

  
Ganondorf: There you go. Hence why we don‘t have farms. For presents Gerudo like bracelets, necklaces, fancy hair pieces and such. But for living we treasure weaponry and water.

  
Link: That's it! A hair piece!

They searched round the little shops and stalls for a while until Link found one that he thought was perfect. It was a dark brown wooden clip with a large a hand carved pattern engraved into it. It was flawless.

  
Link: I think she'll look great wearing her hair up in this.

  
Ganondorf: Of course you'd think that. You _like_ her.

  
Link: _Oh shut up_. Do you have the money?

  
Ganondorf: Yes it's here somewhere. *Searched his pockets* Oh wait, Zelda…had… it…

  
His words trailed off as they both realised that they were probably never going to see it again.

  
Link: You are joking?

  
Ganondorf: erm…

  
Link: Well fine, I'll pay with whatever money I've got.

  
He went up and placed the hair piece on the counter. He reached for his wallet and pulled out 20 rupees.

  
Man: (In not so good English) We no take that.

  
Link: But look its shiny and it's all I've got and this is important.

  
Man: We no take.

  
Link: Please we haven't got anything else other than rupees.

  
Man: No money no buy.

  
Link then lunged forward, grabbed the man’s shirt and pulled him over the counter and pushed him to the floor. Standing on his ribs, Link drew his sword and held it to the man's throat. His eyes went narrow and he spoke quietly, in almost a whisper but the tone was harsh.

  
Link: Listen pal, _you will take…_

  
The man, in shock and fear, swallowed hard and whispered.

  
Man: Okay, I take no money. You have for nothing now go.

  
Link stood tall but didn't lose eye contact with the man. He withdrew his sword and placed it back in his sheath. His look was deadly serious. As he strolled outside everybody backed away. As soon as he stepped onto the street, both he and Ganondorf burst out laughing.

  
Ganondorf: Didn't know you had that in you. Nicely handled.

  
Link: Ah well it's like I didn't know you had a lenient side. *Sinisterly looked Ganondorf in the eye* Besides, I didn't get where I am today by saving up my money only for people not to accept it.

  
Ganondorf: *Backed away slightly* Yes, I'm sure Link…

  
That evening, Link managed to `buy' a new wallet, a picture for his house (When I say picture, it was another wooden carving) and a mandolin to play. Ganondorf didn't buy anything. However, he did manage to steal a large rug, a few trinkety bits and a hefty terracotta pot which he could keep water in back at the fortress. Exactly how he managed to steal these without anyone noticing would be a little difficult to explain, so it can only be left to the imagination.

They met Zelda at the taverna later on, and to no surprise she was laden with bags. Also, to no surprise, she had ran out of money. They decided to stay and eat out in town. Zelda and Link were both still sightly surprised that Ganondorf still went for the veggie option, as it appeared he generally was a vegetarian and not just using it as a cover up for feeding the local cats. Zelda also wondered how they were going to pay, but Link told her he would sort that out.


	9. Chapter 9

*** *** *** *** *** DAY TEN *** *** *** *** ***

  
Link had insisted they went back to the beach. Link liked the beach. Link liked the beach a lot. This place was a little more crowded than before, but the sand was still white, the sun was still shining and the sea was still crystal clear.

  
Zelda: The sun's so strong. Lets get under one of those palm-leaf umbrellas or we'll get sun burned.

  
Link: No we won't. You and I maybe, but not him.

  
He pointed at Ganondorf who was trying to get his horse to stand still whilst tied up, rather than nearly snapping the rope again. Arravis was giving him a hard time, and was revelling in it. Link considered going to help, but then thought, what the hell and pulled out a metal bucket and spade which he had `bought' and started building a sand-castle. Zelda sat reading a book and fanning herself. Link was almost finished by the time Ganondorf arrived. He was out of breath.

  
Ganondorf: Note to self. Next time…get a mare. *Flopped on the sand*

  
Link: Nah, they get real stroppy sometimes.

  
Zelda: My horse at home, Minstrel, always does as he's told.

  
Ganondorf: That's because you can't ride. So you need a good one or else you'd fall.

  
Zelda: Yes I can! He does as he’s told because he’s docile and well trained. My riding instructor says I am very accomplished. 

  
She ran over to steal Link's hat, (How she would manage this is a mystery. Has anyone ever noticed how Link's hat, no-matter what he does, never falls off? Seriously, forward roll, back-flip, dive head first off a cliff – the hat stays.) She did, however, stand on his castle in the process.

  
Link: _What the!?_ How could you! That was…the best…I've…You should be sorry!

  
He threw a clump sand at Zelda but with no intent of it hitting her. However, owing to the brisk sea breeze, it all went in her hair.

  
Zelda: My hair! Link, that's all gone in my hair…Do you realise how long that's going to take to get that out?

  
Link: *Backing away from Zelda* Who's for a swim?

  
The two of them ran over toward the sea, followed by Ganondorf, who had decided that, on holiday, he wasn’t going to _run_ anywhere. Only Zelda tripped over and fell flat on her face about half way, so Link ran back up to get her. By the time they got into the water, Ganondorf was no-where in sight.

  
Link: I wonder where Ganondorf went?

  
Zelda: I have no idea. Never mind, he'll turn up.

  
At that moment, Ganondorf leapt out of the waves behind Zelda and roared.

  
Zelda: AAARGH! A SEA MONSTER! *Scrambled up onto a rock.*

  
Ganondorf: Thanks…

Zelda: Oh, it's you. Not a sea monster. Just a monster.

  
Ganondorf: Quiet you. Lady `oh no a single strand of hair is slightly out of place my entire life is doomed'

  
Zelda: I'm not paranoid, I'm merely sophisticated. I don't actually mind if a _single_ strand is _slightly_ out of place.

  
Link: What if it gets wet, when you don't want it?

  
Zelda: I don't know how I'd react to that.

  
Ganondorf: One way to find out.

  
He clicked his fingers and Zelda was lifted into the air. She hovered over the water briefly and then dropped down with a splash.

  
Zelda: Oh no oh no oh no! I'm soaked and everything. I never get my hair this wet unless I'm washing it. And this water has salt in it! It’s going to dry it out and make it brittle! Ganondorf how could you? That was so evil. You're not supposed to be evil here!

  
Link: That wasn't evil, that was funny. To do that and then hold you under would be evil.

  
Ganondorf: Don't tempt me…

  
* * * A while later * * *

They had all come out the sea and were drying off in the sun. Ganondorf and Zelda were sunbathing. Link was sat in the sun re-building his sand-castle. This one was much bigger than his old one. And he was very proud of it. It had a moat, a bridge, a high wall around the edge, a tower at each corner. On the door he had carved a large L and he'd even got a canon on the top to fend off intruders.

  
Link: There, one complete sand-castle. *Stood back to admire his work*

  
Ganondorf: *Went over to have a look* It's a fortress. A sand fortress.

  
Link: It's a castle!

  
Ganondorf: No.

He stepped away and closed his eyes. He seemed to be concentrating. He waved his hands slowly, apparently drawing the air in toward him. Quietly he muttered something under his breath. Slowly, the sand began to move. It rose up and up, and started swirling around until he became entirely shrouded by the churning cloud.   
  
  
Then there was a sharp flash, and suddenly everything went still.  
  
  
Link stared in disbelief. In front of him stood the biggest, most intricately detailed sand castle he'd ever seen. It must have been night on ten foot tall. All the towers were flawless, every window perfect. The craftsmanship was outstanding, right down to every crack on each individual brick. There were buttresses and gargoyles, even the lanterns included fire created out of sand. Everything about it was impeccable.

  
Ganondorf: _That_ is a sand-castle.

  
Zelda: That's amazing. How…?

  
Ganondorf: I’ve had plenty of practice. There was a lot of sand around where I grew up.

  
Zelda: That makes sense I suppose.

  
Link: *Folded his arms crossly* Well I still say mines a castle…

  
Suddenly a ball flew out of what seemed like no-where and straight into the castle. It exploded into a whoosh of sand. Everyone shielded their eyes. By the time they opened them again, all there was in front of them was a pile of sand with a ball on top.

  
Ganondorf: _What the!?_ My sand castle! *Clenched his fist*

  
Link: _Pffffft_ calm down it was only a sand-castle.

  
Ganondorf: No, it was _my_ sand-castle.

  
Link: But still, it's no big deal.  
  
  
Ganondorf: It destroyed yours too.

  
Link: _WHAT!?_ How dare they! They'll pay. You mark my words they will.  
  
  
It wasn't long before someone called over to them.  
  
  
Zelda: I think they want their ball back and want you to throw it to them.

  
Link: Oh. *He picked up the ball* You want this?

  
The people nodded and gestured for him to throw it back.

  
Link threw the ball in the air, pulled out the master sword and sliced it down the middle, cutting the ball exactly in half. He then stepped on the two pieces of deflated beach ball and stamped them into the sand. And then smiled.

  
Ganondorf: They want a ball? They can have _this one_.

  
A sphere of glowing energy materialised in his hand. He stared at the small crowd of people, who were shouting and waving their arms wildly at Link for destroying their ball. They soon fell silent as they saw what Ganondorf was holding, as it grew in size and strength. Ganondorf muttered something like 'catch this' and then launched it as hard as he could straight toward them. As it hit, it erupted into a hoard of darkness. Sparks crackled as it launched everyone through the air and back along the beach, where they lay stunned in shock and fright.

  
Link: Nicely done.

  
Ganondorf: And they say violence doesn't solve anything. That's a lie. It solves almost everything.

Zelda: Oh I can't believe you two! Come on we are leaving before somebody sees me around the two of you. And before you both end up getting arrested.


	10. Chapter 10

*** *** *** *** *** DAY ELEVEN *** *** *** *** ***

It was mid morning. The sun was warm and the air was light. The crickets were doing their thing, birds sang in the trees, lizards basked on the rocks and everything was calm and still. It was suddenly disturbed, however, by a grey pony as it flew full speed through the trees.

  
Zelda: Link! I can't stop!

Link: Um, just er…hold on and sit back. And keep your head down. These branches are quite low so -

  
*Thump*  
….  
  
* Whack*……

  
***** Crash.*** **

Link: … too late.

  
Link ran over to find Zelda sat on the floor looking more than a little disgruntled.

  
Zelda: _Next time_ my horse needs waking up, I'll do it myself thank you! Look at the stain on my dress. That'll never come out, and I'm covered in dust and leaves.  
  
  
She rubbed her elbow.

  
Zelda: Also that hurt. They’re surprisingly sharp.

  
Link: We may have a slightly larger problem to think about right now. That thing won't stop…

  
Filika ran round and round the trees, darting in and out of Link's sight.

  
Zelda: Uh-oh. Hope she doesn't go too far. If we can just herd her back into the paddock, she'll have to stop then. Come on

  
Link: Oh great. Out-running a horse. Nothing to it. I'm sure we can manage that.

  
So that's what the two of them did, between them. Ganondorf was sat on the roof, amused by the whole saga. Neither Link or Zelda thought of looking for somebody on the roof, so didn't realise he was there. Link was used to herding animals, but normally he was _on_ the horse at the time. He found himself doing more sprinting than he could remember doing in his whole life, until he eventually managed to steer it into the paddock.

Link: *Completely out of breath* I was never a good sprinter…

  
Zelda: Well you did a very good job. Very good, let me just grab the gate and…oh. Watch out!

  
Link turned round to see the Filika charging straight toward him in an attempt to escape. He stood his ground. Malon had told him if a horse charges, don't run. They stop. And usually they do. But not this time. This time, the Filika just completely ignored Link and went straight over the top of him.

  
Link: Ouch…

  
Ganondorf, who had conveniently decided to turn up, grabbed the horse and pulled it round to a halt, after nearly getting dragged off his feet.

  
Ganondorf: Come here you.

  
Link: *Slowly got to his feet* I was wondering when you were going to show up. You should have been here to help catch that thing in the first -

  
Ganondorf: Move to your right.

  
Link instinctively did so, just in time to see Arravis thundering past, kicking up a cloud of dust behind him and lashing his tail. Link coughed and closed his eyes,  
waiting dust to settle. By the time he opened them again, Arravis was still going at full power, and Ganondorf was nowhere to be seen.

  
Zelda: Oh dear… look.

  
She pointed at Arravis. As he swerved and galloped, Ganondorf was getting dragged along behind him.

  
Link: *Cupped his hands round his lips* _Let go!_

  
Ganondorf: _WHAT!?!_  
  
  
After a short while Ganondorf somehow - and the emphasis here is _somehow_ , as, between steering his horse and dodging the trees, his feet barely touched the ground - he managed to turn the Arravis toward the paddock. The stallion charged through the gate, which Link slammed shut. Link wondered why Ganondorf hadn’t just let go when the horse dragged him over, but then realised he wasn't actually holding on at all. He had his hand caught in the mane.   
  
It was only at this point that he noticed that Arravis had circled and was once again charging toward the gate.

  
Ganondorf: Arravis don't you dare…

  
Arravis curved his back, ready to make the jump.

  
Ganondorf: Don’t. Even. _Think._ About it. – Arravis – turn - turn _turn turn_!

  
The horse did turn away. Very sharply. So sharply in fact that his mane snapped as Ganondorf flew round and headed straight on.

  
Ganondorf: _Not like that!_

  
Ganondorf flew straight into the metal five bar gate. He knocked into the top of it, flipped and twisted round as his feet and arms became tangled up in the bars, flew over the top and then crashed head first to the floor. But landed on his back. With his right arm and leg still twisted up through the bars. And his left arm behind him putting himself in an arm-lock. His left leg was bent round in a way which wasn't normal.

  
He didn’t attempt to move.

  
Ganondorf: Okay that hurt.

  
Link: Perhaps it's best we _don't_ take the horses out today…

  
Zelda: Yes, let's not. They’re a bit riled. How about a nice walk into the woods?

  
Ganondorf: Great! A walk… I think I broke my legs.

  
* * * Later, in the olive groves * * *

They had been walking for some time. They were completely surrounded by olive trees and had no idea where they were. But, still feeling adventurous, one in particular caught Link's eye. It was a large tree with a sloping trunk, littered with ruts and holes. There were branches sprouting from every direction as he looked further and further up the tree.

  
Link: Wow, that tree is just made for climbing. *Ran off and started to scramble up the tree*

  
Zelda: Don't fall down.

  
Link: I'll do my best not to. And if I do I'll try to fall on him not you.

  
Ganondorf: Right, I'll stop here for a bit then. *Sat down away from the tree Link was half way up already*

Zelda also stopped and sat by a tree. Suddenly Ganondorf saw a movement in the leaves near to where he was sat. He moved them, and there in front of him was a very large spider.

  
Ganondorf: Hey look at this. *Picked it up and let it run over this hands.*

  
Link: You just don’t learn, do you.

  
Zelda: Don't you _dare_ bring that over here if you do I'll - I'll…I don't know what I'll do _but you’ll be sorry!_

  
Ganondorf: Well evidently they live in the leaves on the floor.

  
Zelda scrambled up the tree after Link.

  
Link: Hey, it’s only a spider. What's there to be scared of?

  
Zelda: Um…the fact that it's a spider.

  
Link: Ah yes, the arachnophobia. Changing the subject, I'm hungry.

  
Zelda: You're sat in an olive tree. You can eat olives.  
  
  
Link *Tried one of the olives* Okay, I don't like olives. Don't we have any biscuits or something?

  
Zelda: I brought some bread with me in-case we got hungry. Oh damn I left it down there. Here, chuck it up to us.

  
Ganondorf: What? Oh, right. *Threw the loaf of bread up into the tree*

  
Zelda almost caught it, but just let it slip out of her hand. It fell a short way and then got lodged in a branch below.

  
Zelda: Oops.

  
Link: Don’t worry I'll get it.

  
He climbed down the tree until he was level with the branch. Slowly he edged himself along, keeping a tight grip to the branch, which swayed slightly in the gentle breeze. It wasn't long before he was close enough to grab the bread and turn round. As he did so, there was a distinct cracking sound.

  
Link: Oh hang on…

  
The other two stared at Link, who had gone quite pale. Slowly Link edged his way back, being cautious not to make and sudden movements. Zelda could see the crack in the branch getting bigger and bigger with every action Link made. He was almost back, when he heard the one sound he had been dreading. A snap.

  
Link: Not good!

  
The branch gave way completely and Link came down with it. It tumbled down the tree, bouncing and twisting between other branches all the way. Link on the other hand landed with a thump on a much larger branch quite near the base of the tree. Which was all well and good, apart from one leg landed one side of the branch, the other over the opposite side. His eye's went so wide they almost came out of their sockets.

  
Link: Ulghtch…!  


Ganondorf: _Ooooh right in the family jewels!!!_

  
Zelda: Link! Link are you okay? Link…? Answer me, oh please be okay. Is he okay?

  
Ganondorf: I highly doubt it.

  
By this point Link had fallen to the floor, and lay there staring up into space, not aware of anything going on around him. Zelda waved her hand in front of his eyes, but this had no effect.

Zelda: Oh my gosh! What's wrong with him? Why won't he make any response? Is he dead!?

  
Ganondorf: No he's breathing. Just blacked out.

  
Zelda *Made a cushion for his head out of her shall* Will he be okay?

  
Ganondorf: I don’t honestly know. That looked _so_ bad.

  
Link gradually came round and blinked a few times, then rolled his eyes. He didn't move. When he spoke his voice was faint and wispy.

  
Link: You… don't know…the pain…

  
Ganondorf: I have a fairly good idea *Cringed again*

  
Link: Water…need…water…

  
Zelda: I have some here, take it. Perhaps we should go back to the house. You can have a proper rest.

  
Link: Yes…

  
Ganondorf jumped up one of the trees to find out which way to go. After scanning the scene for a moment, he knew which way to go.

  
Zelda: Right, I'll help you stand up. Careful now…

  
She pulled Link onto his feet, but he fell back on his knees

  
Link: Can't…walk…

  
Zelda: Oh, I'm sure you can once you've stood a moment.

  
Ganondorf: Actually, he probably can't.

  
He Lifted Link and over his shoulder.

  
Ganondorf: Right let's go.

  
He snapped his fingers and the two of them instantly disappeared.

  
Zelda: Oh thanks for just leaving me.

  
Ganondorf then appeared again, grabbed her arm and teleported them both away.


	11. Chapter 11

*** *** *** *** *** THE FINAL DAY *** *** *** *** ***

Day Twelve early morning;  
And all through the house;  
Nothing was stirring;  
Not even a mouse;  
(Or a centipede)

  
With no signal no warn;  
A Pirate's charm glows;  
In the earl of the dawn;  
And no-body knows.  
  
Within this residence;  
The first one to arise…  
Okay annoyance I sense;  
To the norm I will strive!

No, seriously. I'll stop now.

Anyway, the pirates charm glowed and buzzed loudly. Ganondorf, being downstairs and nearest to the seating area, where Link had left it, slowly awoke from his slumber. Being the `early bird' that he was, he sighed, stretched, and turned over to go back to sleep. However the noise coming from the charm persisted. As he really didn't want to get up, he stuck a pillow over his head and tried to go to sleep. But then rolled over and fell out of bed.

Ganondorf: *Mumbled* Stupid charm thing.

He got to his feet, and banged his head on the ceiling.

  
Ganondorf: *Mumbled again* Stupid low roof.

  
Eventually, he managed to find the pirate's charm, which was rested on the woven table. Still fairly groggy, he picked it up angrily.

  
Ganondorf: *Growled* _What do you want now?_  
  
  
Rauru: Well, somebody got out of the wrong side of bed this morning.

  
Ganondorf: No. Thanks to you and your stupid stone thing, I _fell_ out of the wrong side of bed this morning. So this had better be good.

Rauru: Oh, well. Just to remind you this is your last day and you're expected back in Hyrule this evening. Go and tell the others.

  
Ganondorf: *Threw the Pirate's charm up the narrow, steep stairs.* You bloody-well tell 'em yourself. I'm going outside.

  
So out he went, punching the door down rather than opening it.

  
* * * A few minutes later * * *

  
Link had left Zelda to talk to Rauru and wandered outside, stepping over what was left of the door. He might have questioned why it was in pieces, but as it was a little early for him too, the brain wasn’t yet engaged. Stretching quietly, he wandered over to see the horses. He had to admit that it was quite nice at this time in the morning. He smiled at the many small birds on the ground, pecking away at the dust. They all fluttered away as Perry came prancing over to see Link. He smiled and patted him on the neck, gently pushing his fur through his fingertips. Link realised he would actually miss this plucky little pony. Epona would always be his noble steed, but this guy was such a character. He smiled again, then looked up and watched the birds as they darted round the tree-tops. Suddenly he noticed Ganondorf sat on the roof.

  
Link: Well that’s different. You’re up early. The hell are you doing up there?

  
Ganondorf: Not being noticed.

  
Link: Oh, might I ask why?

  
Ganondorf: No, because you haven't noticed me.

  
Link: Okay now I'm confused.

Ganondorf jumped down from the roof and landed by Link.

  
Link: Er…hello. I didn't notice you there. You alright? Get out of bed on the wrong side this morning? Seem a bit put out.

  
Ganondorf: No. I _fell_ out of the wrong side that bed after being woken up by that stupid charm thing and then whacked my head really hard on that stupid low ceiling so yeah not the best start.

  
Link: Oh. How can you become un-put-out?

  
Ganondorf: *Jumped back up and landed gently on the roof* By sitting on my own on the roof, having some chill time, possibly catching up on some shut-eye. And not being noticed.

  
A few moments later Zelda came out, picking her way over the broken door. Link was stood gazing round, pondering what to do.

  
Zelda: Link. Why, is the door, lying on the floor in pieces?

  
Link: I er…couldn't find the key. So I had er.. to kick it down.

  
Zelda: Link, there isn't a key. It’s a bolt lock.

  
Link: Oh. Well that explains why I couldn't find the key.

  
Zelda: Link, you _broke_ the door!

  
Link: Yeah well, it's not like we're staying here much longer anyway. Come on, let's go have breakfast over a game of cards.

  
They both went and sat at the table. Zelda brought out a glass of orange and some yoghurt, then got out her set of playing cards and dealt them out.

  
Zelda: Have you seen Ganondorf anywhere? He's not in the house.

  
Link: No. I haven't noticed him anywhere. Nope, nowhere whatsoever. Not at all. I have absolutely no idea where he could possibly be.

  
Zelda: Are you lying to me?

  
Link: Er no... Why would I lie about it? Do you think I'm the type of person who'd lie?

  
Zelda: Well not usually. But yes, right now I do.

  
Link: What? I am offended!

  
He slammed his hand down on the cards.

  
Link: SNAP!

  
Zelda: Hey you distracted me, how can you win that pile?

  
Link: Because I put my hand down and I said snap first.

  
  
* * * About an hour later * * *

  
They were all outside enjoying the warm sun and gentle breeze. Ganondorf had decided to come down off the roof and let himself be noticed again. He was in a much better mood. Having built a tower out of stones, he was now throwing stones at it and trying to knock it down. And every time he hit it and it collapsed, he would snap his fingers and it was up again. His aim was pretty good, which slightly unnerved Link.  
  
Link meanwhile was sat trying to figure out how to play the mandolin. He kind of understood it, but he was struggling with the chords and finger patterns.

Link: Wow this is harder than it looks.

Zelda: Thought you were supposed to be good at music.

  
Link: Yeah but this is different from the ocarina. My fingers have move in weird ways to try and do the chords. And there’s the strumming which is weird too. Arrrgh I can't get it.

Ganondorf: Kid I'll give you a hint. Patience.  
  
  
Link: Oh don’t tell me. You can play.  
  
  
Ganondorf: *Chose to ignore the question* Think of it this way. With that, you’re moving your fingers and unlocking them in - in a very deep way - which you _fundamentally_ haven’t moved them before. So it takes time to get good at. And that's your thing, right? 

Link: You can, can't you?

  
Ganondorf: The mandolin? No - but I can play the oud, which is similar.

  
Link: *Rolled his eyes* Is there anything you _can’t_ do?

  
Ganondorf: *Thought for a moment* Skim rocks, like what you were doing at the beach.

He threw a stone at the pool. It landed with a splash and went straight to the bottom.

  
Ganondorf: See, nothing.

  
Link: You need to use a flat stone.

  
Ganondorf: Oh I see…

  
Link: _How_ can you grow up and not know how to skim rocks?

  
Ganondorf: It doesn’t work on sand.

  
Link shrugged his shoulders. In a way it made sense.

  
Ganondorf: *Looked at the mandolin* Get the chords and strumming in your muscle memory, then just go with it. Learn to fly…

Link: Oh…well thanks for the tip.

  
With that he sighed and returned to memorising the chords. He was going to get this now. _On principle_.

  
Zelda: Well Link I'm just glad your feeling better after yesterday.

  
Ganondorf: *Cringed* Yeah that must have been so painful…

  
Link: It was. Like, no pain I've ever felt before.

  
Zelda: Yes, well to change the subject. I'll read you some of my book. It's called `The Love of Zayolin'. Zayolin is a wandering princess who falls in love with a mysterious stranger named Sonal, but her father won't allow them to be together so they run away together, finding true happiness within each other.'

  
Link: *Sarcastically* Oh how romantic.

  
Ganondorf: I think I’m going to throw up.

  
Zelda: Well then, I'll begin…

  
Ganondorf: _Please_ don’t.

  
But she did. And she kept on reading and reading. Of course, Link and Ganondorf gave up listening after less than two minutes. After a while Link, rather than asking her to stop, picked Zelda up and threw her in the pool. This was followed by a push from Ganondorf, causing Link to fall in after her.

  
Ganondorf: Hahaha

  
As Ganondorf turned away, Link snatched his leg and dragged him in too.

  
Link: If only we had a ball. Or maybe a frisbee. 

  
Zelda: Yes, we could play games with that. Wouldn't that be nice on the last day of our holidays.

  
They both looked at Ganondorf.

  
Ganondorf: Okay, okay I'm going already. *Teleported into town*

  
Link: Why I thought he'd never go…

  
Zelda: That was exactly what you were planning, wasn't it.

  
Link: Yes. And I regret nothing.

  
Ganondorf soon re-appeared, ball and frisbee in hand.  
  
  
They all splashed around in the pool for some time. Link and Zelda had a race to see who was fastest, whilst Ganondorf honed in on his pebble skimming skills. They also had games of frisbee, piggy in the middle, dodge-ball and general catch. Link insisted on showing off with his juggling skills with Deku nuts (which, as it turned out, floated) but as it transpired, he was not good at it. And neither were Ganondorf or Zelda. After that, they just messed around for a while. By the time they came out the pool, they were quite, quite tired.  
  
  
They were all relaxing in the afternoon heat when Rauru reminded them they had to return the horses to the farm. And wouldn't stop `reminding them' hoping it would annoy them into doing it. It didn't. Link only threw the charm to the bottom of the pool under the waterfall so the sound of Rauru was, quite literally, drowned out.

  
  
* * * Later * * *

  
They were gently hacking up the road, heading to the farm where they hired the two ponies from. Zelda didn't want to give them back. She wanted to keep them. And secretly, Link did too.

Zelda: I'll miss you. I'll always remember you, and I think you're so lovely. I really, really don't want you to go back. Oh Link do we have to take them back?

  
Link: I'm sure she'll be okay. You'll see, when we get back to Hyrule and you have Minstrel again you won't miss Filika. Also she lives here though and this is what she knows. She'll be happy here.

  
Zelda: She might not be. The other horses might pick on her. And then she'd be miserable.

  
Link: Now you’re just imagining things, I'm sure everything will be fine. Anyway, we're here now.

  
They walked slowly through the entrance, where they were met by the same man as before. He was happy to see them, but backed away when he saw Ganondorf. Link handed the reins to the man, and gave Perry a pat.

  
Link: Good lad. Good lad. *Turned to Zelda and spoke gently* It's time to say goodbye to Filika now.

  
Zelda: But…I don't want to say goodbye.

  
A tear rolled down her cheek.  
  
  
Link slowly took the pony off her and handed it to the farmer. Zelda looked away and swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears more. Link went over to her and put his hand on her shoulder and walked her away. As soon as they were back out on the road, she burst into tears.

  
Link: There there, it's all right.

  
Zelda: *Wiped tears from her eyes* But it's not. I'm going to miss her loads and you don't understand. We got on really well. She was so friendly and safe to be around. She kept nudging me for cuddles and adores attention. She might not get much attention there or he might not have time for her. Oh Link I love that pony so much I can't bear to think of her unhappy. I just…love her so much.  
  
  
She started crying again.

Before long Link suggested the three of them went back to the farm so Zelda could say good-bye properly. He felt sorry for her. And, in all honesty, he wanted to see Perry again. Ganondorf followed on Arravis, who was once again, flicking his head and trotting sideways. He had offered Zelda a ride on Arravis as consolation, but, unsurprisingly, she had declined. As they approached, they saw Filika tethered to the tree.

  
Zelda: Oh no her foot is tangled in the rope! And he hasn’t even taken her saddle off in this heat!

  
They were about to go and help when they saw the farmer storm over to her, shouting and waving his arms furiously. Filika veered away. The man continued to rant at it, regardless that the gentle pony was terrified as he untied it and dragged it over to a different tree, where he tied the rope very short.

  
Zelda: Oh my poor darling. *Almost started to cry again* She didn't mean to get tangled in the ropes he didn't need to do that. Link do something.  
  
  
Link: What am I to do? Even if you could keep her, he wouldn't let you.

  
Zelda: Link he’s hitting her. She's frightened. Do something Link.

  
Link: *Turned to the man and frowned* Hey! _Pack that in!_

  
Ganondorf, without saying a word, dismounted and handed Link the reins.

  
Ganondorf: Hold him.

  
Link: Where are you going?

  
Ganondorf: Allow me to teach you the art of stealing a horse.

  
He walked over to the farmer, who was still raving at Filika, and tapped him on the shoulder. The man spun round, still shouting and raging on. He suddenly stood bolt upright and went silent stared up at Ganondorf, who towered over him. Ganondorf scowled, leaned in and held out his hand. He growled quietly.

  
Ganondorf: The horse. Now.

  
The man just stood and stared, too frightened to move, as Ganondorf's burning orange eyes pierced his soul with their blood-curdling glare.

  
Ganondorf: I said NOW.

  
He punched the man in the ribs, snatched the reins out of his hand and lead the pony away.

  
Link walked over and gave the man a glare. Zelda ran over to Filika and threw her arms around her neck.

  
Link: How dare you hit such a beautiful animal.

  
Zelda: Oh my darling you're safe now.

  
Link: What the hell will your dad say when you bring home a horse?

  
Zelda: Oh, I'll just tell him she's a souvenir.

  
She then began untying the other horses.

  
Ganondorf: Well look at you. Princess-turned-horse rustler. My work here is done.

  
Zelda: We can’t leave them here if that man is going to hit them like he did Filika.

  
Link: Okay so what is your dad going to say when you bring home a whole herd of horses!?

  
Zelda: Oh, I’ll just say they're all souvenirs. Let’s go.

  
As dusk fell they were riding back toward the town when a crowd of people carrying all kinds of weaponry (pitch forks etc.) suddenly came into view. Everybody stopped. Link recognised a few of the faces near the front. There were the people from the beach, a few shop keepers and the owner of the taverna they had eaten at in town. They were all angry. One of them called out, and then they all began shouting.

  
Link: Are they shouting at us?

  
Zelda: I think so. And waving their weapons at us. That's not good.

  
Link: I reckon we could take them on.

  
He then noticed that practically the entire town was backing the mob

  
Link: Well perhaps not. Change of plan. Run!

  
And that's what they did. Followed by the herd of horses. And then the mob in hot pursuit.

  
Zelda: I think maybe you shouldn't have threatened to kill those people, Link.

  
Link: Well it seemed like a good idea at the time. And I’m sure stealing a bunch of horses had _nothing_ to do with it either!

  
At that moment a crowd of people appeared in front of them from the other direction.  
  
  
Zelda: Hey, that was my civic responsibility, okay? And wow news travels fast round here. That really doesn't bode well for us.

  
Link: Left! Go left through the trees.

  
Ganondorf: Can’t we just kill off a few of them to scare the rest away?

  
Link: And supposing that just made the rest of them even angrier?

  
Ganondorf: Kill the rest of them?

  
Zelda: No not here. Not that many people. Not any of them. Oh hell’s bells there's more in front of us.

  
Link: Go right. Go right! Man, they get everywhere.

  
They galloped through the trees, but it was hard going off the beaten track. And everywhere they went, the mob seemed to get there first. They obviously knew the place well and knew all the short-cuts.

  
Ganondorf: Erm Link, we may have a slight problem ahead of us…

  
Link: What could be worse than the one _behind_ us?

  
Ganondorf: *Pointed in front of them* That one.

  
Link turned to where he was pointing. He gasped in horror.

  
Link: Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me! This is _not_ the place for a cliff. Who put that there!?

  
Link knew he didn't actually want to hurt anyone, but this could mean he would have to. The only other option would be to…no that definitely wasn't going to work.

  
Arravis skidded to a halt at the edge, followed by Filika, then Perry and the rest of the horses.

  
Zelda: Now what? Link what shall we do? Wait - Ganondorf can you teleport us out of here?

  
Ganondorf: Not if you want to keep your new friends with you.  
  
  
Link: Okay. First of all, stay calm. Second of all. Prepare to fight.

  
Zelda: Link we can't! There's too many of them and I don't know how to fight.

  
Ganondorf: Well now would be a good time to learn.

  
Link drew his weapon then went and stood in front of Zelda. He handed her a sword.

  
Suddenly the mob charged forward. Link, Ganondorf and Zelda stood their ground. (Not like they had a choice anyway). Link jumped down and charged his sword, and at the last moment let loose with a spin slash, knocking many back and to the ground. Ganondorf leapt into the air and then crashed down his fist to the ground, radiating a wave of energy from the impact. Arravis, now without a rider, charged forward and drove back the crowd. He was a horse that was built for battle, and he would not run from it.  
  
Zelda quickly herded Filika, Perry and the rest of horses as away as far as she could. Link and Ganondorf continued to fight hard. Link was also using his shield to fend people off. It was complete chaos. No matter how many they managed to drive away, more seemed to attack. Link tried not to actually kill anyone, just hit them back. Ganondorf was in a fist-fight frenzy, and didn't care if he killed them or not.

  
Link: *Amidst the fighting* I can't believe I'm actually fighting _for_ you, rather than against you.

  
Ganondorf: _For_ me you say? Nice.

  
Link: Alright _with_ you then.

  
Zelda was still keeping as far away as possible. She buried her head in her hands.

  
Zelda: Oh no, if only we could get away we wouldn't need to fight.

  
She then looked round and saw a bluish glow in the sky. She couldn't see what it was, but soon realised it was a vortex. She called out to Link. He and Ganondorf looked round briefly.

  
Zelda: _Come on lets get out of here!_

  
Rauru: Well don't just stay there, get back to Hyrule now before you kill off the island!

  
Ganondorf mounted his horse and pulled Link into the saddle. The vortex then disappeared and reappeared in front of Zelda. She urged the horses on, but they wouldn't go through. Link jumped down and grabbed hold of Filika and pulled her through. The other horses followed. The vortex disappeared again as some people tried to jump through.

  
Link: You can't just leave Ganondorf there.

  
Rauru: Why not? We want rid of him, remember?

  
Zelda: Oh so you're just going to leave the other world with him? In the place where they have absolutely _no_ way of stopping him? Then you're evil if you do that. He doesn't care abut killing every single one of those people. I could see it in his eye. As far as he is concerned, he's in a battle and as I'm sure Link is aware, in battles the aim is to defeat the enemy at all costs.

Rauru: Oh I didn’t think of it that way…

The vortex appeared again and Ganondorf and Arravis charged into it. It then closed behind them, leaving the rest of the of people behind. Totally baffled.


	12. Chapter 12

Link, Zelda and Ganondorf found themselves in the Chamber of Sages, alongside Arravis and the herd of horses from the farm. Rauru was stood glaring at them, his rounded face puffy and red.  
  
  
Rauru: Well now that you're all here. I DEMAND AN EXPLAINATION!

  
Link: About what?

  
Rauru: YOU! FIGHTING! EVERYTHING!! I send you there in good faith and _LOOK WHAT HAPPENS!!_

  
Link: Well basically there was this angry mob that was going to kill us if we didn't fight back and so we had to or else we'd be killed.

  
Rauru: And _WHY_ were they angry at you?

  
Link: A mob is always angry, I think that’s why it’s called a mob.

  
Rauru: DON’T TRY MY PATIENCE. EXPLAIN. _NOW!_

  
Ganondorf: Ha! You think we have to answer to you? Think again old man.

Rauru: How dare you speak to me like that! I am the Sage of Light, a highly respected figure.

  
Ganondorf: Don’t you start your ‘sage of light’ crap with me.

  
Rauru: This is an _outrage!_

  
Link: Okay Rauru, I think you need to calm down.

  
Rauru: Calm down? _Calm down!?_ Have you any idea what an embarrassment you have been? You should have known better! People could have _died_ because of your actions.

  
Link: But they didn’t, so -

  
Rauru: And Zelda, _what_ is your father going to say when he hears about this behaviour? _You_ of all people _should have known better!_

  
Zelda: _Me!?_ What did I do?

Ganondorf: *Turned toward Zelda* Hahahaaha he’s even pissed at _you_. I am _loving_ this!

  
Rauru: And as for _YOU_ -

  
Ganondorf: *Rapidly turned back to Rauru and glowered* Threatening me are you?  
  
  
Sparks crackled between his fingertips.

Rauru: Err…Oh I don’t have to take this from the likes of you. Get out of here, all of you. I’ve had enough. Get out.

  
So they all left, heading toward the vortex that would now take them to Hyrule. Link strolled straight past Rauru and didn't even look at him. Ganondorf lead his horse on foot, purposefully knocking into Rauru on the way past. Zelda trotted besides them on Filika, followed by her new friends.

  
Link: *Turned to Ganondorf* I saw that.

  
Ganondorf: Saw what?

  
Link: What you put down his back. And after he let you go on holiday and everything. I know he’s annoyed but that's just not nice.

  
Ganondorf: And your point is? Simply keeping my word, remember. I said I wouldn’t forget. Besides, I have a reputation to maintain here.

  
Link: Yes of course, you’re King of Evil again. How could I forget…

  
Rauru: What did he just do? Is there something….AAAAAARGH _there is! Get it off_ _GET IT OFF!!!_

  
He ran round in circles trying to shake the centipede off his back.

  
Rauru: I was send you straight back to Hyrule field, but now I’m sending you the long way round. And before you think it I’m sending your horses to Lon Lon Ranch. They probably need a break by now! You can all walk!

  
All the horses, including Arravis, disappeared.

  
Ganondorf: Wait - did he just steal my horse…?

  
Rauru: You can _ALL_ walk!

  
Zelda: *Picked herself up off the floor* Oh great now it’s going to take ages to get back. Thank _you_ Ganondorf.

  
Link: Yeah, nice going.

  
Ganondorf: I don’t see the problem.  
  
  
Zelda: You don’t see the problem? I’m tired already. And thanks to your antics he’s sending us miles and we all have to _walk_ back. _That’s_ the problem.  
  
  
Ganondorf: Correction. You two have to walk.

  
With that he teleported back to his castle, stopping via Lon Lon Ranch to take back his horse. Apparently it gave Malon quite a fright.

  
Zelda: Oh _come on_ that's just mean. He'll come back for us when his conscience gets to him. Just leaving us in the middle of nowhere. He'll feel bad and come back for us.

  
Ganondorf re-appeared for a moment.

  
Ganondorf: Guilt is not an emotion that I feel.

  
He disappeared again.

  
Zelda: _Seriously!?_

  
Link: Yup. After all what's happened, all that we've done, and getting on so well together. Even _helping_ each other. Back here. _THINGS JUST HAVEN’T CHANGED!_

The end


End file.
